Written by Deanna Goodson
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Friday, 16 April 2004

image for Who's More Talented: Nick or Jessica? If you looked like this, would anyone notice your talent either?

I know that the article section is not a place for heated debates, but I just couldn't resist. This debate is going to end up being so heated. Who is more talented, Nick Lachey or Jessica Simpson?

I know the cutie-patootie super-couple seems to have it all: looks, talent and well, they have their looks don't they? I admit I am jealous as all get out because well, my husband was never in the 4th most-popular boy band of the 90s. Yes, that's right! Nick Lachey was in 98 Degrees. My husband is a techno geek. He can't sing. Well, if you think William Hung can, then, maybe there is a market for my husband's warble somewhere, but I digress.

And Jessica Simpson. My God! She says those things are real. If they indeed are, then God is the best plastic surgeon there is. That's all I'm saying. She's blonde, beautiful and goofy. She even bets on football with her hubby.

So what if "Newlyweds" is an insipid little show? People still watch it. Who cares if Jessica trills her way through every song, even a Berlin classic that needed no improvements like "Take My Breath Away"!

But, I wonder is Nick getting the short end of the stick? He was in the 4th most popular boy-band of the 90s. Wait! Maybe it was the third:

  1. Backstreet Boys
  2. N'Sync
  3. LFO
  4. 98 Degrees
  5. O-town

Yup! I think it was the third. Let's switch LFO and 98 Degrees around.

Anyway, doesn't his sacrifice as a boy-band member mean nothing to us? He is a star in his own right and people need to stop referring to Nick Lachey as Mr. Jessica Simpson.

Let's give both the stars of "Newlyweds" their proper due. They deserve our respect. Not everyone could do what they do day in, day out and look at themselves in the mirror.

So, we must be fair and equitable and buy both of these kids' albums, watch both of their sitcoms and ask the people at ABC to give Nick more time on the next "Nick and Jessica Variety Show" to air at Christmastime.

This article was not endorsed by Nick Lachey's fan club. Neither Nick nor Jessica will ever read this article. For that fact, neither should you. Get back to your life. I said "Good-day".

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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