'England won again.'
'Good!' exclaimed Penny's Mum 'perhaps now the mourning will be over.'
'Temporarily, at least. Still a bit shaky and we have yet to meet strong opposition. Montenegro will be a real test.'
'Montenegro? Where on earth is that? Heavens, if England can't beat them they should be ashamed.'
'My art teacher, Bert, says all this Football lark is bread and circuses for the...
Sub-titled One Hundred of his Greatest Drawings from the Daily Mail, 1939-1945 this is an attempt to raise Illingworth's profile to something approaching that enjoyed by his contemporaries David Low and Sydney Strube.
Ken Lucid writes:
This is great! Another effort by Mark Bryant. Recent books about Low and Strube were by his arch-enemy, Timothy S Benson and in fact Benson did one on Illingw...
Summer, 1972: I'm driving up Mascher Street toward Roosevelt Boulevard with my grandmother. Nana did all the driving, of course, but the five-year-old farting into the passenger seat of 1966 Chevelle station wagon had one very important job,
Reading the time and temperature on the marquee sign in front of the Central Penn National Bank.
"It's eleventy-free firty, Nana," I'd shout. (I was a l...
I have been working on a piece of poetry of which I'm more proud than I usually am. It is of a subject about which I know as intimately as I know the feeling of jacquard silk against my chapel hat pegs: le perverti dans la bibliothèque, or what you might call "the creep in the library."
My inspiration: Herman Blowhole. I have not been able to go to the library for months without Mr. Blowhole le...
This was an odd affair which seemed to run out of steam as one team's momentum ran down and their opponents failed to really get going.
And there was no fun! The only laugh was offered by Hertford College, Oxford, skipper Eleanor (?) Royrvic (the 'o' should be one of those Scandinavian things with a slash through it) apparently surprised that she knew an answer.
And Paxo managed not to get t...
Once apon a time, a week last Wednesday, a very handsome young wannabe writer was asked to write some shite by a beautiful princess. Not wanting to let her down, for she thought his ramblings were good fun and deludedly thought he had a modicum of talent, he set about showing her that she is a bit doolally tap for thinking such things. Also, it gave him chance to piss about before he resumed his e...
Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement = 1 bananosecond
2000 mockingbirds = 2 kilomockingbirds
1 millionth of a mouthwash = 1 microscope
36 inches in Glasgow = 1 Scotland Yard
Half of a large intestine = 1 semicolon
Time it takes to sail 220 yards at 1 nautical mile per hour = Knotfurlong
52 cards = 1 decacards
10 rations = 1 decoration
2.4 statute miles...
Press Release from PHUCKS to all our customers who do not wish to do a 'Rooney'.
We are the Professionals Hook-Up Completely Kept Secret company. Wayne Rooney may be the latest of our customers to hit the headlines, but he's not the only one.
Peter Crouch, John Terry, Steven Gerard and Ashley Cole are other English Professional footballers who have not followed our guidelines, although we h...
OK, let's come to order. We have a full agenda tonight and I have to be out of here in an hour to get ready for my date with the senator. He's taking me to the French embassy for a Franco-American appreciation wine and cheese party and I've let the National Enquirer know about it but I doubt they'll send anyone. The guy's a backbencher who'll probably not run for reelection next year, so who cares...
(65) Beethoven - Symphony No 4
Mahler - Symphony No1
(66) Wagner - Parsifal, Prelude (Act 1)
R. Strauss - Four Last Songs
Schoenberg - Five Pieces for Orchestra
Webern - Six Pieces for Orchestra
Berg - Three Pieces for Orchestra
Karita Mattila soprano
Berliner Philharmoniker, Sir Simon Rattle
Pierre Noxious writes:
There was no getting out of this, was there? Sir Simon and the Be...
This is something to think about when negative people are doing their best to rain on your parade. Remember this story the next time someone who knows nothing and cares less tries to make your life miserable.
A woman was at her hairdresser's getting her hair styled for a trip to Rome with her husband.. She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded:
" Rome? Why would anyone want to...
I've concluded that:
All non-denominational and Evangelical Christians are kooks, just like Pat Robertson, who stated that God allowed events such as 9/11, hurricane Katrina, and the earthquake in Haiti to happen because of immorality.
All Catholics support the practice of Priests buggering boys because they have not spoken out enough against their Church for failing to stop it.
All Bap...
The charismatic figure stood above the masses gathered before him ready to seduce them with his glorious speech. He had purposely chosen a historic location for the event, one whose beloved presence in the minds of the populace would lend weight to his words, one whose place in the hearts of the citizens would hopefully help him to also entrance therein.
The masses had already been drugged o...
I know I can get you riled up by taking my clothes off, one silky piece at a time, slowly but with a purpose. Now I'd like to see you get hot and bothered while I put them back on. Because I spent a long time picking out these clothes. I didn't just go to Macy's and grab the first thing that fit me; I looked at hundreds of pieces, in several different departments, before I found just what to take...
It was another Monday morning in London Toy Town and Thomas the Tank Engine was all set to carry the miserable commuters to their work destinations.
He was doing the underground shift this week. How he loved to travel through those dark tunnels where no one could see him picking up the workers with their interesting body odours.
As he prepared himself for the day ahead, he noticed out of the...
When the school boy, wearing dull parched cobbled shoes, saw the glistening leather boots of his classmate, the boy turned spellbound.
After class, the same child, walking along with his parents, hand in hand, still kept his head turned back to imbue his eyes with the last minute gleaming of the classmate's leather boots. It was at these moments that the boy sighed i. e., he felt dejected...
To be performed by a San Francisco staging design team.
Move My Hump
What you gonna with all that junk?
All that junk inside your house?
"I'mon make, make you clean it out.
Clean it out. Clean it out."
What you gonna do with all that cash?
All that cash inside your purse?
"I'mon make, make, make you work.
Make you work. Make you work.
"And have you move my hump.
My hump, m...
KEYPORT, NJ --- A 43-year-old man and his 29-year-old wife were ridiculed relentlessly by their children, ages 4, 3 and 2, because both were reticent about entering the attic of their new home without a flashlight and a semi-automatic weapon.
"These old houses are spooky," stated Nicole Rosania, who managed to enter the attic alone after some chiding by her oldest daughter, who begins kinderg...
Once upon a time, a long, long time ago being gay was something totally different. What a shame that this wonderful, positive, jolly, merry word has been adopted by the Homo fraternity.
Here are just a few examples of what acting gay was in historical terms:
San Francisco (where?) in the sixties with the flower power Hippies were so jolly, free and very gay (so what's changed, quiz time?).
We got our hands on a truck and began trudging up the coast to Mahajanga. Sebastian was reluctant to let me drive but as he was hammered on toaka gasy, it made the best sense. Well... until I ran over a heard of goats. I may have been a bit squiffed, hammered, swacked, high, boiled, drunk, inebriated, you get the idea, I was happy. He was a little pissed but as I mentioned earlier, Aye-Ayes are te...
H&R Block broke it to The Street that they were posting a loss of 40 cents a share during their Earnings conference call.
Here is the transcript of the call, complete with translation (in red):
H&R Block CEO-du-jour Alan Bennett: Earlier today we reported our first quarter net loss from continuing operations improve to $0.36 per share prior to a $0.04 per share charge for severance...
The "gay" allegations surrounding William Hague are totally without any foundations apart from the fact that he slept with his male assistant in the same bed once and that certainly doesn't mean he's "gay" or does it?
John Lennon once slept with Brian Epstein to test if he would like it (sex with a man) he didn't and maybe Hague didn't like it either (or?).
After all of the problems he's had...