Discussion Forum

Hello, my name is Arm, lovely to meet you.

Hello Arm, mate.

We've already been introduced.

I'm a wee bit ticked off with you mate. You did a moonlight from the attic without telling me.

Now, I'm not too bothered about the rent, but you didn't feed the snow leopard and the fruit bats. They hadn't eaten for nearly a week! They went fucking mental when I went up the attic to crack a couple of tinnies with you.

I still bear the scars.

Mrs S went mental too, and now she says that if I want some tea, I've got to make my own.

Another fine mess you got me into.

Please let me know ASAP if you're coming back to the loft, because local kebab van entrepreneur, Ali Bullo, has expressed an interest.

I think the snow leopard has taken quite a shine to him, because he feeds it doner meat. The fruit bats don't seem to care either way.

Regards

Skoob.

Sorry SKOOB,

The Feds were onto me, they wanted a word about the Uranium blocks I was selling down the market. Made nice lamps they did, problem was, after a couple of nights on the side board peoples skin started to peel. Got the rent and the food for the Snow Leopard. See you in the loft for a glass of Dong Dong Ju and a slice of lemon sponge.

Apologise to Mrs SKOOB on my behalf, is it safe to use the kitchen or shall I need my tin helmet?

Love as always

Arm xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Tin helmet and kevlar vest.

She's refused to mow the lawn now, on account of the unseasonably hot weather.

I wouldn't mind really, but it's a very small lawn.

What can you do?

Regards

Skoob.

Buy the lovely woman a ride on Mower?

Maybe not, it could be used against us.
I will hide in the shed until Mrs SKOOB calms down.


Arm xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

-

Maria, Maria, Maarrriiaaa! just say her name, and sounds like praying, say Armfeetantoes name, and it sounds like someone moaning.....

Your a fantastic writer, go on, do it then. Lets see some words, go on, get the keyboard out, start tapping.

Arm xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

-

---

Quote: Maria Rios

Thank you for your kind words, Arm. I'm afraid I'll fall short of your expectations though x

I've never written spoofs/satire before, it's a totally new genre for me, hence the hesitation.

I did ask Mark if it's possible to change this account from a writers profile to a regular Joe public account, then I can post on the general board without worrying that I've not written anything...I haven't heard back from him as yet.

x

---

Dont take offence, Mark often goes for a walk and forgets where he lives, sometimes it can take weeks to find him. The last time he went walkabout, he ended up in Outer Mongolia. Cost us a fortune to get him back to blighty.

I would encourage you to have a go at writing, may I give you some authors to read that I feel may benefit your endeavours. SKOOB1999 Jaggadone, Lynton Cox, Churchmouse, Mark Lowton, Erskin Quint, Pinxit, Clive Danton. There are many more, this bunch of hooligans are a benchmark.

Go on, get those fingers working.

-

Maria - just write crap. That's all most of us do. If you want to score points, make it celebrity crap, or even better, make it personal crap.

Don't be afraid.

Kindest

Skoob

-

There you are Maria, advice from one of the very best writers in this nut house. Go on, the world is waiting for you and your very first magnum opus.

Is that right? Or is it opus magni


Arm xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

-

Fuck a fucking duck..

They're even bringing back the dreaded 'LISTS' of 'personally Approved' Spoofers.

(One of the crappiest, cheapest, nastiest, most malignant, turd-based aresehole tricks ever played on any Internet Forum...)

As if these certain, self-appointed people have ever 'known' the difference.... (they don't, believe you me)!!!

Reminds me of a certain ...... from the USA who played the same game..

back in them 'Good Olde Days'...

'Scuse whilst I vomit...

V-O-M-I-T..

Toodle-oo..

Regards

CJ

That's easy for you to say.

I have a lithp.

Shkoob.

-

Now then Maria. I noticed that in your preamble you mention the fact that you're "a bit of a chicken", so before I go any further I wonder if you could be a little more anatomically specific vis a vis the aformentioned barnyard fowl as I've absolutely no problem with being gently supportive of a wing or offering benign and friendly encouragement to a breast, if you'll pardon my potty mouth, but I do draw the line at offering intellectual succour to the parson's nose

Give it a go fruitgum. You may surprise yourself and delight us all with your witty verbosity. Take on the aspect of the tiger. Stiffen the sinews. Summon up the blood, Cry havoc and let slip the prose of war!.....HUZZAH!

PS. If I'm not overly impressed by your output though love I do reserve the right to scuttle off to the guvnor like a mewling prison bitch and get your account booted out into the cyber void until the very end of all times.

Your friend and fellow shy, retiring type

Cliveypops

Maria, you are very welcome here. It is very brave of you to admit being hesitant about joining the "madness" here, but please, feel welcome.

And please do not be put off by those who you cannot understand, we don't either, welcome on board and long may you "rain" upon us!

Jaggedone

-

-

No prob, just go for it!

I must get the plumber, there is a turd in the water pipe.

Did someone swear? put the money in the box please, this a non swearing thread so please observe the rules...Bolocks! I spilt my tea!


Arm xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

---

Quote: Maria Rios

I've been on a number of discussion boards, but none totally dedicated to writers.

---

Be intimidated Maria. Be very intimidated. The moment you sign-on to the Spoof you automatically win an upgrade, allowing you to call yourself 'A Writer'.

That's what art's about, in case you hadn't realised. All you ever need do here on The Spoof is slap your hard-earned Writer's badge on your lapel, dig out the nearest biro and knock off your next literary masterpiece..

Ask anyone round these parts..

Ten minutes should suffice..

Off you go girl

CJ

Theres a lot of it about, and I keep missing it. Why do people give it, and when you want it, they dont have it?




Arm xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx