Discussion Forum

I met that Pol Pot, crap at snooker he was.
And Oscar Wilde, said he was a plate writer.

Oh! And Buz Aldrin, told me he was a moony








Arm xxxxxxxxxxxxx

I met Mother Theresa of Calcutta on a plane going into Haiti (this is all true) she gave me her business card. She spent a really (I mean really really) long time in the bog - that's Calcutta for you. Her body guard was a bunch of giggling novices with 9mm rosaries.

I believe you Lynton, 7 billion others wouldn't though.

Never ask Alfred The Great to make toast. I won't again. What a waste of the Fire Brigade's time.

I waited 5 hours for Ethelred. It was closing time by the time he'd decided what to wear.

I had great expectations for Charles Dickens' visit, but he got me all of a twist, it was a bleak house that weekend. What a mess he made - it was like an old curiosity shop in the spare room.

The worst guest was Ivan: he was terrible.

Long John Silver tried to accuse me of breaking his crutch - but my solicitor told me he didn't have a leg to stand on.

Greta Garbo wouldn't come out of her room.

And as for Count Dracula, as a house guest he really bloody sucked.

Apparently Ethelred was 'Unread' in Anglo Saxon - difficult being a would be author even in those days and he was King.

Met that Henry the V111, Said he had got his hampton court in the palace gates.


Had dinner with Idi Amin, ate like a cannibal he did.

Spoke to Jack the Ripper, I thought he was a bit cloak and dagger me self.



Arm xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Once had the pleasure of dining with Hannibal Lector, I've been brainless ever since.

I've never met a famous person but I did see an alien/goblin once. It was in the 90s and if it had have been in the 10s I could have taken a photo of him on my digital camera, and then he would be famous, and I could say I saw him.

So near yet so far. When the Dorking review sells a copy you can say you met us.

I met ex MP Neil Hamilton's missus - she was the after dinner speaker at a function in Birmingham. She gives the impression of being a battleaxe but she is really charming and reminded me of an English teacher in secondary school.

I met Linus Pauling too - who's he? you ask - GIYF

I went to school with John Sessions too but I doubt he would remember me.

i got drunk with ollie reed once
and used to chat to jeremy thorpe in holland park avenue
met julie christie and she was lovely even without make up
used to have tea with robert graves in majorca
also smoked a joint with roman polanski
at university with ian mcewan
my tutors were angus wilson and malcolm bradbury
met iris murdoch and loads of other writers and painters
princess margaret margaret thatcher
played tennis with billie jean king
could go on and on
but people will think i am namedropping

I took Lynton's avatar to dinner at the Savoy...

And I once got pissed with Skoob..

The rest's a secret..

That's a lie.

It was more than once.

Regards

Skoob.

No, no, no  it was definitely just the once.

I'd never lie about such matters..

Skoob is referring to another occasion when we both got obliterated and that traitor Lynton abandoned us. But we were gallons passed the pissed stage..

And another time when we were blitzed, befuddled, pickled, ripped and shit-faced in the Winchester area. Again, we were far from pissed..

Anyway, such were the minor details..

As far as one can still remember..

Off to visit the Coal Hole now..

Let us pray...

"Off to visit the Coal Hole now.."

a magnificent gesture by the Colonel..

putting a monkey behind the bar so all the skint riters from the sticks will be able to enjoy a free drink when they arrive in the smoke..

I'm back..

Met up with Julie Christie and Helen Mirren...

John Hurt was there but we ignored him..

Coal Hole's a great pub..

Roll on Dec 3rd...

carry on..

so you had a twos up with julie christie and helen mirren up west while i watched fatima whitbread on i'm a celebrity..

thats why i hate this country and its antiquated class system..

Had a knee up with Long John Silver and his crew.



Arm xxxxxxxxx

I suppose he was legless

I once occupied a lavatory stall alongside enthusiastic ornithologist and self confessed manic depressive Bill Oddie at Victoria Station's underground bogs..

I found him to be an erudite and reserved toilet companion albeit a tad noisy and self congratulatory after each successful movement.

Still you dont like to grumble do yers

Clive, I was in the cheap seats, so did not hear the conversation. But I understand it was a strain.


Met that Joan of Arc, she was a bit fiery.






Arm xxxxxxxxxxx

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Quote: armfeetandtoe

Clive, I was in the cheap seats, so did not hear the conversation. But I understand it was a strain.


Met that Joan of Arc, she was a bit fiery.






Arm xxxxxxxxxxx

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It was indeed a strain as you rightfully point out. In actual fact at one point I became flushed with embarrassment. I just didn't know how things were going to pan out you see. At one point I thought of waiting outside the trap and introducing myself but I was caught between two stools. You see I didnt want it to appear as if I were just papering over the cracks......etc.