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Day 5 of our modern high seas adventure with a mixed bag for a crew:

2742 nautical miles since leaving NYC with 465 to go till the rendevous with the mad cook,Skoob for a home cooked meal in Portsmouth at the scene of the historical ship Buggerall (since renamed HMS Victory).

Last night was deja vu as the captive passengers were subject to the"Parade of Chefs",
this was preceded by a commerative meal of "Lamb Shank of George Best" to celebrate Cannibal Night in the Buggerall Tradition.

Turning again to the crew:

The UK led all others with 827 souls and at 12 bells most gathered on deck 12 around a wicket to protest England's recent event with the irreverent Aussies , who managed just 10 representatives. A substantial amount of beer was consumed, according to reports from the security team which was forced to break up the gathering in the wee hours.

The Germans numbering 726, had taken over most of the common areas in a type of blitzkrieg and one was hard pressed to find a wiener or a schitzel , let alone any red cabbage after they had performed their scortched earth policy after sweeping through the once lush fields of the Kings Court dining facilities.

Alas, the 12 Frenchmen had immediaely surrendered to a superior force, and word had it they were being held in the bilge on bread and water, which was a good thing enabling me t;o enjoy a double ;order of escargot appitizer last night.

There were 3 crew from Uzbekistan, but they were in charge ;of port refueling, one Indian who had the T-shirt and logo concession, 2 Nigerians heading home after the US inauguration, and 2 Italian jurors on holiday from the Amanda Knox Realty Show "Sex,Death, and Other Bedtime Games"

The 719 Americans were almost evenly split. 40% were from California and spent most ;of their time trying to organize the contract laundry workers whilst proving their social consciousness by offering t;o let their Phillipine cabin stewards sleep on the pull out couch in their stateroom. A few did lobby the 2 Chinese passengers on behalf of the Dalli Lama, but to no avail.

Red State travellers were for the most part behaved and tried to make friends with everyone on board especially the 56 bankers from Switzerland who promised they would not disclose their international account numbers to the US.

In keepng with my agreement with the publisher who volunteered to pay my bar tab on the cruise, I carved The Spoof .com grafaiti in all the public restrooms and fellow spoofers should see an immediate rise in their points total momentarily....maybe as many as 500,000 overnight!

The captain is now wanted on the bridge to discuss punishment for some errant soul, so away I must go to tend to duty.

Captain's Log 10,.03 hours 4/8/09

See you on the morrow Cap.

Looking forward to it.

Regards

Skoob.

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Quote: Skoob1999

See you on the morrow Cap.

Looking forward to it.

Regards

Skoob.

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Mr Morse,

Are you planning on travelling north on your expedition................?

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Quote: birbee

Mr Morse,

Are you planning on travelling north on your expedition................?

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birbee

You missed it mate. We had a beer or two. Really.

The Cap's a nice guy.

Regards

Skoob.

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Quote: Skoob1999

You missed it mate. We had a beer or two. Really.

The Cap's a nice guy.

Regards

Skoob.

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I did a little story about your meeting -
story
Roy

Makes perfect sense to me

Captain's Log....somewhere in the UK....8/5/09

It was a momentous meeting at the infamous Ship Anson pub, long known as the unofficial office of the inscrutable Skoob and where he holds court and dispenses favours of a sort.

His private table was at the back of the historical navy pub, in a corner, in order for him to sit with his back against the wall to regulate the comings and goings of the journalistic supplIcants.

He appeared as you imagine, a thick black Shetland Isles north sea turtleneck pulled up to just below his lower lip, which was slightly curled. A full black leather trench coat of the finest Italian leather and his steely boring eyes directly below a London bowler pulled tightly down over his ears which were forced sllightly outboard so as not to miss any passing conversation,or passing sllight, real or imagined,

In counterpoint was his vivacious wife, the indominatable Mrs. Skoob, a woman of dark magical eyes, a flashing wit and wonderful personality which instantly endeared her to Mrs. Morse. The two appeared to instantly bond having the commonality of being conjoined to two irreverant spoofers.

"You look like your avatar" I said politely to open the conversation. "You don't" he growled menacingly, and so our meeting progressed.

A toast was proposed for those missing Spoofers and the brief chance to finally meet across the big pond, and to dream and yes , laugh about the ribaldry that would ensue if at some time in the future there really could be a Spoof Reunion.

All too soon it was time to reboard our ship and continue our trip, another toast, a clasping ;of hands, not in a gay way, hugs for the ladies, and off across the sea to Hamburg, and then to Norway.,

A momentous day and a fun meeting celebrating the comradeship of Good Spoofing!

I rated it 5 *.....

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Quote: Roy Turse

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Quote: Skoob1999

You missed it mate. We had a beer or two. Really.

The Cap's a nice guy.

Regards

Skoob.

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I did a little story about your meeting -
story

Roy....Terse as usual!!! 5*
Roy

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I like this idea.

I'm off to meet Mister Meaner in Hull next month, then Jenny Bigtits in November. I'm still waiting for an answer from Jesus Budda.

captains log 8/8/09

I have been trying to keep up with stories and the Forum, but the price of internet service is quite high and service is etremely slow . I decded my money would be best spent on a few chivas on the rocks (with a twist) than a few mindless posts, although I enjoyed MW's thread on who to have a drink with. If we have free internet when we return to Hamburg in our hotel, I will try to catch up.

The departure from Hamburg was unreal, and I felt quite overcome with emotion of the outpouring offered this humble writer as in excess of 300,000 citizens lined the Elbe till we dumped out into the North Sea. I have never seen such an outpouring of humanity....hundreds of boats,, big and small escorted us the entire way including two nude guys in an inflatible who kept skimming up and touching the side of the Great Lday while hoisting, what had to be, Danish Beer ....obviously some displaced UK soccer fans, as Skoob described recently as "a tribal thing" in discussing their acfion.

It is hard to believe there were any Germans on shore, as most of their countrymen joined the ship and we are now 90% German out of a passenger list of approximately 2500.
Full disclosure on heritage will probably be out in the nightly news paper today.

Whilst whiling away the afternoon before heading to the casino bar, I got to watch a few highlights of a recent Rugby Match and more than a few successful "Trys", which perplexed me as a few mad devils dashed over the goal line and had therefore not "tried" but indeed had succeeded.

This afternoon at the bar while talking to a delightful German couple a trio of madly dressed humans wandered in....sallow, aging, sun glasses, hats, and boots....not including the youngish tart who bared a striking resmblance to the recently departed but adored Chamone....push up cups and all, but with flaming red hair.

As informed by my new German friends, the elder man was a famous German Political Singer who spent his llife living in the Atlantik Kempenski hotel in Hamburg at great expense......Skoob could use his picture as a new Avatar and no one would notice!

Thanks to Skoob I have enjoye d more than a few Stella's which is on tap in the casino,,and I join him in his 5* rating!

I have forwarded a request,, nay a demand on behalf of the Spoof Writer's Guild, in a brief prepared by Skoob and vetted by QM demanding the Spoof Reunion be held on the QM2 . Lowton said he would take it under advisement depending on how much he could get for the sale of SFO and some others so related in political spirit.....

We have two German friends on board and they said they attended a special German presentation last night of German Comedy and improvisation,,,,I gave 1* and proclaimed German Comedy an Oxymoron....

Tomorrow begins an emotional return to Norway for Mrs. Morse. I will be taking scenic shots of Nordic Beauties to forward to Buck & Tyrhol since he couldn't make this trip with us.
Believe it or not, Leg of Leeds Lamb tonight, preceded with Frog Legs appetizer!

From the North Sea

Morse

Good to see Cpt. Morse on board ship again.

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Quote: victor nicholas

Good to see Cpt. Morse on board ship again.

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I'll second that Doc!

Bon Voyage Cap & Mrs Morse!

From Mr & Mrs Skoob!

The Captain's in for a surprise!

......And secreted below the decks of the QE III, in an old trunk, the scrapping of a knife could be barely heard as the old and worn lock finally opened.
"Get out ya old fuckhead! Don'ts be banging me head with that fucking blade either!"

First a ragged wooden stump appeared and then two trousered legs, followed by another, but shorter stump. Darkness gave way to light as the Pissgum brothers struggled the last few inches to clear the old steamer trunk.

Shaking imaginary dust from their cloaks, Siamese twin pirates, Percival and Buck, placed their weapons back into their belt and placed their tri-corner hats upon their heads.

"Reckon this tubs got any grog?" Buck rubbed his crotch but was off by two inches. "Hey! You queer fuckhead leaves me dick alone!
Buck shrugged and looked around the furnished stateroom. He spied a silvery box with a hinge and opened it.

"Looky here! Bottles of beer and cold too!"

"Well don'ts be chucking too much, we's gots to find Captain Morse on this scow and fast!"

Buck

I did Bargis Chapter 11 last night. Apologies if it was a bit crap, but it was late (early hours actually,) and I'd had me a few.

Back to work tomorrow.

Ho-hum...

Kindest

Skoob.

buck: now i have to start looking over my shoulder again....2 more horny pirates to deal with. like to write but I have minimum minutes.

hard to move around deck with all the music and marching going on!

Morse/from Bergen/ in the mist

Captain's log/11/9/09 /Bergen, Norway

Well, the boys were right; stopped in Stavanger yesterday and spent the morning in a charming town, checked out the menu from a few waterfront pubs and found hamburger and fries selling for a mere $22.US.....now I know how the Samoli's must feel taking a whellbarrow filled with worthless dollars to get a loaf of bread!

Luckily the ship was close by and we had lunch on board before heading out for a fjord cruise of about 5 hours of the most fantastic scenery...landing 1/2 way on a rock outcroping where there was a magical restaurant and waffles, rasberriies and sourcream and some great coffee was waiting! Fantastic.

I did find some time to conduct some informal surveys while on board on behalf of Bargis.

The first order of business on his list was to purchase a european Speedo swim suit and lounge around the poofldeck. Not much of a result.

Step 2 was to install two (2) brotwursts in strategic loction and I did get some hts from some aging matrons who really shouldn't have been wearing those thongs , I really didn't want to meet the runner up to the woman with the world's largest vagina!

Since things were dragging I improvised and added 2 hot dog buns to the mix and things picked up with the younger set who seemed to have more than a first hand knowledge of Bargis although only on an internet basis....there was some momentary confustion as a few passengers from San Francisco crised by to say "HI" before being sent along on their way.

So, Bargis, theory confirmed....bigger is better! Better pass this on to Frankie J to possibly help out on the Nookie problem I read about!

Viewing of local wild life has been exceptional: lots of high cheek bones, blue eyes, blonde hair and full body spray tans....all in all a very helathy group of locals of the fairer sex....but you better bring $$$$ if you thinking of hunting here boys!

Our German friends have been a rare find....absolutely very funny and prefer being around folks other than Germans.....with a few other exceptions the Krauts have b een quite imperious and rude and kind of in your face.....the 6 am marching around the deck has become quite annoying especially with the rowdy beer hall songs.

I have managed to put in a good word for MB in the pastry department, and have aarranged passage for her as head pastry chef and also as the morning spoof poster on the stateroom TV where she does a bun baking segmentl! Alll the Romanian dough boys are dying to meet her!

And Jman: there is pleny of HOT SAUCE over at the Thai buffet section in Kings Court to even keep YOU happy!

Skoob , they haven't run out of Stella on tap yet so guess the cruise will not run dry!

Ms Morse s omewhat under the weather with a slight fever and the sniffles, so we are coasting today as we have several big days ahead including meeting the relatives from Germany where we will stay for 3 days before returning. The reunion in Oslo with her 48 year old cousic and his wife she had last seen him at the age ;of 3 was quite emotional.


we also took a taxi to the apartment in Oslo where she often visited her grandparents and spent many months on several occasions starting ;on the first boat back after the war in 1946. Many tears of happiness all around!

I Think we have a norwegian spoofer on the site, but I can't remember his name at the moment....bottom line, I guess if you can afford it Norway is a great place to live!

Hilsen fra Norge!

Morse