Bergen, Norway/ The Other city, Slightly to the Right of Oslo - In this bustling Norwegian seaport, customers at the busy fish market, were humming with gossip after the recent 'awarding' of the Nobel Peace Prize to Barack Hussein Obama, the American President who got his first selling job in Indonesia selling Tupper Ware shack to shack and ultimately building a virtual global political empire in his own mind.
There were no pictures of Obama anywhere in the market, where customers crowded around vendors buying up made up plates of smoked salmon, small, tender sweet shrimp plucked from the sea mere hours ago, stone crab claws, and for those with the Viking Blood still running in their veins, a bit of delicious smoked Whale Meat.
There were pictures, however, of a little blond village girl, a visage of what the Norwegian Travel Posters are all about....pink cheeked, clear blue eyes, homespun cap and sturdy sweater....this then was Solveig Amandsen, a village heroine who did not get any piece of the Nobel Prize, but who never forgot her roots, and eventually paid her respects to Bergen!
Seems Solveig was a child of sad circumstance, her father was lost at sea during a documentary on deep sea crabbing, her mother a victim of another tragic accident when she was hit by an illegal immigrant driving a stolen Mercedes Taxi Cab rushing to get out of town before being trapped by the winter freeze.
Poor Solveig! Seems she was sent to America to live with an evil step sister, who only wanted her to clean the house, mind the kids, and then work the night shift in a Beverly Hills spa specializing in Brazilian Waxes.
Solveig never complained, she worked a 6 hour shift, 6 days a week sweeping up the pubic hairs of the somewhat rich, but very, very, VERY famous.
On Sundays, the evil stepsister did let Solveig retreat to her room and rest, as long as her chores were done. No one asked what Solveig was doing in her room all day Sunday....if one walked by they only heard her humming happily to herself.
Starting small at first, she was new to Capitalism after all, Solveig began tying the most exquisite fishing flies made out of the most intimate of all materials, the pubic hairs of some of the World's most Glamorous Stars!
She had watched with rapt attention for years as her beloved father, Lars, had made some of Bergen's most popular salmon flies out of seal fur, white ermine, arctic fox hairs, and even the nostril hairs from reindeer!
Lars' flies sold like hot potato pancakes, for his clients said his flies always produced the most savage hits, and the biggest fish. Solveig watched and learned.
In Beverly Hills she shyly approached a few customers outside the famous
Dorfuss Store, known world wide for their products involving outdoor sporting life, and especially fly fishing. Opening her sparse coat, she would whisper to departing customers....."Hey, Meeeester...want a hot killer fly from Angelina's Pussy?"
Needless to say, the first day she did this a crowd formed and she sold out her entire stock of flies, about 100 at $12.95 apiece, which included a Pubic Authentication.
Interviewed by management, Solveig was hired on the spot, put up in a nice studio apartment, given a fly tying work shop in the back of the store, and had 5 pubescent valley girls collecting pubic hair on consignment.
She also bought herself a vintage Volvo P1800 retrofitted with a Hi Po 289 CI
Cobra Engine so she could 'hang out' when not tying flies and counting her money.
Needless to say, Solveig is now a big international capitalist with her own factory, distribution center, and a mail order business serviced by Norwegians right in her home town of Bergen employing 1123 residents working 2 shifts to fill orders.
Solveig just was honored on ESPN's salt water fishing show with Cuban born host "Jose" Wejebe known as the 'Spanish Fly', working out of Key West.
Jose's award winning episode showed him 'surface poppin' some very "dry" Paris Hilton's which brought on a feeding frenzy of Black Fin Tuna that filled the boat.
She also provided the winning fly for the National Bass Master's Tournament....a 22lb lunker fell for a 'wet presentation' named "Fatal Attraction" after Sharon Stone's erotic role.
Solveig now has over 232 popular flies made from the very public and semi-private pubis of some of the world's most glamours women...who, by the way don't seem to mind at all.
A spokesman for Solveig said she is working on a special collection of flies for a new ambitions undertaking. She has a very rich client who wants to be the first angler to take a Great White Shark on Fly.
Name of the fly, you ask?
The Nancy Pelosi, of course.
Back at the Fish Market, other enterprising Solveigs have sprung up, offering avid anglers the opportunity to "pluck your own", and have their flies custom tied to their specifications. It's not just a cottage industry anymore!
Said Solveig about her success, "Hey, this freakin' oil isn't going to last forever!
Solveig Amandsen, our Choice for the Nobel Pubic Prize!
SHE EARNED IT THE HARD WAY...ONE FOLLICLE AT A TIME!
