Written by Zander Kaufman

Thursday, 6 May 2004

Today God Almighty announced that due to record low fundraising he is forced to put up humanity up for lease or possible sale. "It just costs too much, I mean the lighting bill up here is a real Bitch" God said in his east Haven penthouse.

Apparently this all started when the church started paying off abuse victims. "Hey I'm God Almighty, I'm all powerful and all knowing but I just can't handle money. That's why I put my children in charge, but lately they have been sluggish".

God said he may get back to work once things pick up. "This will also give me time to work on my next book". Dude, where's my creation? "And with the event of the Iraq war and George Bush declaring war one everyone, people want to talk to me at an all time record and I just need a break".

When we asked who might be possible leasers he said "I don't know yet I'm still looking for leasers"
"What about Satan?" we asked "That's a possibility; however a co-lease is still available for those parties interested".

"Mars, Saturn and Venus may be thrown into the package if a leaser comes forward soon". "What about Uranus?"
"I'm pondering if I should destroy Uranus, my son always makes fun of me whenever the name is mentioned".

One thing is sure; God is near broke and is desperately seeking funds. If you are interested God urges you to contact him toll-free at 1-800-CALLGOD.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Bitch, Penthouse

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