AIPAC Boasts It Has Occupied the US Government

Funny story written by Felix Minderbinder

Friday, 25 May 2007

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WASHINGTON (Reuters) - The Executive Director of AIPAC Howard Kohr has announced that his organization has nearly completely occupied the US Government with its Zionist stooges, in AIPAC's latest annual report.

"Yes, we at AIPAC have managed to bribe or blackmail virtually every US Congressmen except Ron Paul to do our bidding," he said. "You are all well aware that President George Bush, VP Dick Cheney and others in their Administration are our trained poodles, along with most officers and bureaucrats in the Pentagon, the CIA, and the courts. They are all Israeli and AIPAC monkeys."

"As a result, Israel is guaranteed to receive even more billions of dollars from the US government in order to oppress and murder Palestinians and steal their land," he continued. "We use this money to buy US weapons for this cause, and much of this money even gets recycled back into the USA for bribes, extortion, and to peddle our extensive influence."

"The theft of land from Palestinians was why Israel was created in the first place, and Israel is now an apartheid state as Jimmy Carter has properly identified in his new book, one dedicated to Zionist supremacy, Zionist racial purity and the ethnic cleansing of all non-Jews. We have driven hundreds of thousands of Palestinians into refugee camps and poverty, and murdered ten of thousands others."

"We also have a firm grip on the US media. Fox, CNN, the New York Times and other media belong to us and further our interests by destroying all opposing views," Kohr continued.

"Our reach extends into Canada too, where we have near total control."

"By spreading Zionist corruption around the world as we do, we are able to rewrite history and order governments to fight our wars, as we have done with the USA, Britain, Lebanon and other countries. Our agents like Paul Wolfowitz and Dick Cheney arranged for the USA and Britain to start the Iraq oil war based on lies and deceit, just as we have ordered the USA to war with Iran, which we have painted as an ogre even though they are enriching uranium only to replace their oil. Thus nearly one million Iraqis have been killed."

"AIPAC liaises closely with Mossad and the CIA in order to hatch such 'false flag' operations as 9/11, and we are preparing other surprises for the world in order to further our interests at its expense. Thank you for continuing to support AIPAC, and for allowing us to create a strong Zionist Occupied Government of the USA," Kohr concluded.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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