Ozone Hole Caused by Bill O'Reilly?

Written by R. Mejia

Thursday, 8 March 2007

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Damn you O'Reilly!

It was discovered today that the "hole in the ozone layer" can definitely be attributed to talk show host Bill "Let's Kill all the Mexicans" O'Reilly.

"We did some research," said the lead scientist on the Find the Source of the Hole committee, "and we really do think the hole has been caused by Mr. O'Reilly. We would measure it before his show came on, and then we would measure it again after the show was over, and each time the hole had gotten wider. Eventually, we figured out that every time he opens his mouth, hot air comes out and weakens the ozone."

This phenomenon is not devoid of irony. The weakening of the important atmospheric layer actually allows in more of the sun's rays, causing a certain population's skin to turn even browner.

"We are going to make a formal suggestion that he don a mask of some sort before he opens his mouth" said the scientist. "It can't hurt."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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