Former Italian Prime Minister, Silvio Berlusconi, was in the intensive care unit of a Milan hospital last night after collapsing at a political rally with what was called a minor heart complaint. Doctors were at first taken aback by what appeared to be a heartbeat emanating from Italy's several-billion dollar man.
Berlusconi's spokesman was quick to point out that no heart was actually found and there was "no emergency, no need to panic. Mr Berlusconi remains as committed as ever to pursuing his own agenda at the expense of the Italian people."
The pint-sized billionaire, who has compared himself to Napoleon, Jesus Christ, Mother Theresa and Superman, was delivering a speech at the Italian Association for Free-Speech, which he has just bought, when he staggered back from the podium and almost mussed up his hair.
He was rushed to the intensive care unit of a nearby hospital, which he later bought as he "liked the wallpaper."
Reports that the scare underlines Mr Berlusconi's increasing physical limitations are denied by the 180 year old."When I first took office I promised to keep on living until I owned everything in the entire country and that's what I intend to do" he stated last night.
This latest set-back comes after a difficult week for Berlusconi which saw the opening of his trail into 7046 separate corruption charges and one charge of exposing himself to a nun. Meanwhile, last week, an anti-Berlusconi daily accused the former-premier of having almost caused an inter-dimensional crisis during a near-death experience in the 1990s.
The paper reported that when, on fleetingly encountering our Lord God, Berlusconi "jokingly commented that the deity looked like an anorexic Santa Claus." Mr Berlusconi has denied intending any offence with his comments, claiming "my remarks to our Lord were meant ironically and I would hope that he understood that, the big beardy geek. What? What?! I'm joking!"
Silvio Berlusconi is available for children's parties and occasional "rough stuff."
