Scotty McCreery Has Proven That America Has A Problem

Funny story written by Katarina Frogpond2

Thursday, 26 May 2011

image for Scotty McCreery Has Proven That America Has A Problem
This could be what causes Sonic Boomeritis

Scotty McCreery has shocked the world by winning the American Idol competition.

Viewers in Britain watched in a state of incredulity as his name was read out as the winner. They were left wondering what had happened.

How can a man who sings like a broken air conditioning machine win anything other than the most irritating noise competition. It wouldn't be so bad if the "broken air conditioning machine man" sang happy songs, but he doesn't. They're all miserable.

But miserable songs like that seem to be quite acceptable in America. They've even got a whole chart made up of them. Its called the Country and Western Chart.

Musical experts, who were instrumental in the Jedward phenomena, and so by definition know good music when they hear it, had a lot to say about this subject.

They say America's liking for this type of very strange droning music is caused by a tragic hearing disorder called Sonic Boomeritis.

Sonic Boomeritis is the result of the damage done to ears when planes break the sound barrier whilst in flight. For years it had been thought that no harm was done by these loud sounds, but now the experts know differently.

"We now think Sonic Boomeritis is the main reason why America's musical out-put has become so diabolic over the past 20 years." Said the Music Expert. "We knew there had to be some pathological reason for it. No healthy human could knowingly make such miserable noises and think it was nice."

Americans also do not seem to be able to differentiate nice sounds from annoying sounds. They have recently taken against the beautiful accent of Cheryl Cole. They say they can't understand her.

The experts say this is further proof that America has a problem. But he doesn't believe they are beyond help. He believes that with the right musical education they can regain their sense of what sounds nice on the radio, again. And Britain has just the man to go re-educate them.

That's right, its Ireland's Louis Walsh. Louis Walsh needs to go on the American X-factor and find America some people who can sing.

He has to. Otherwise, America will have rubbish music forever.

By Katarina Frogpond

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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