NEW HAVEN, CT - The walls of Yale's Sheffield - Sterling - Strathcona Hall were resplendent with garlands of red, white and blue taffeta last evening as President G.W. Bush was on hand to be inducted into the Yale cheerleader's hall of fame.
Soon to be honored among the ranks of former legendary past inductees, such as superior court judge, Babs "Pompom's" Johansson and soccer mom, Betty "The Bike" Yablonski, Mr. Bush was radiant in his powder blue, pleated seersucker hot pants, his blue velour tank top and his snowy white vest, the traditional garb of the Yale cheerleading squad.
As tradition dictates, after arriving in a pink, ribbon festooned, open carriage, drawn by six burly underclassmen, the president was hoisted upon their broad shoulders and whisked up the steps to the doors of Strathcona Hall. After being placed gently on his white patent leather pumps, President Bush was presented with the customary jewel encrusted tiara and golden scepter, signifying his elevation to cheerleading greatness.
Earth bound once more, the president clicked his heels three times, twirled around and tapped the great hall doors with the tip of his sparkling wand. The doors swung open to reveal the dazzling display within. Rose petals cascaded down upon the rich marble floor leading to the candle lit dias. Mr. Bush was met at the foot of the stage by his date for the evening, former US Attorney-General and fellow Yale alumni, John "The Crooner" Ashcroft.
After a delicate peck on the cheek and while singing a heartfelt rendition of "Let the Eagle Soar", Ashcroft bent to pin a dainty pink corsage on the breast of President Bush's sparkling white vest. There was an audible gasp as the inductee stubbed the toe of his white patent pump and almost tumbled down the stairs. But, the quick thinking Ashcroft swooped down, swept the falling president up into his arms and manfully strode up the stairs to gently place Bush on the plush emerald seat of his honorary ivory throne.
Soon the air was awash with the tinkling sound of the color guard tapping the sides of crystal magnums of Cherry Creme Soda, the presidents favorite beverage. On cue, President Bush rose to address the crowd.
Brushing a tear from his eye and with trembling voice the president thanked all those present for the great honor being bestowed upon him. He went on to expound upon how his brief tenure as head cheerleader in his senior year at Yale had helped to make him the man he is today.
In a voice full of emotion, the president explained, "My years shaking the blue and white pompoms taught me the importance of standing on the side lines and cheering my squad on. After college, during my tenure in the national guard, I continued the valuable tradition for the entire duration of the Vietnam war. It is something that is still with me today and I want you all to know that as long as there is still one brave American soldier standing up and fighting for freedom anywhere in the world, you will find me on the side lines shaking the red, white and blue pompoms of this great nation".