Unnamed sources have revealed a vast conspiracy in the US South to break with the United States of America or more precisely to get rid of all the Northern States.
The issue this time has nothing to do with slavery as such, but to preserve the Southern Heritage and way of life.
You are asked to beware of any and all anti- Canadian jokes, such as Canadian Gold Medal winners having their medals bronzed or having punch lines like, "Why do you think they call it Cana-Duhh?" or "They're not real Americans."
The plot is to publish as many such jokes as possible and blame them on the Northern States in an effort to enrage Canadians causing them to invade the US.
Then, promising instant citizenship to all illegal Latino immigrants who will help out, station the same at all points of entry to the South, with instructions to say, "Boenus Dias, Welcome to Mexico!" to the Canadian troops when encountered.
If the troops figure out that they are not yet in Mexico, the Latinos are to say, "The nasty old USA made fun of us too, so we invaded from the south."
The hope is that not one shot will be fired, but all the Northern states will become part of Canada from then on, "They'll get their State Health Care, learn French and still get to talk funny, and we won't have so fer to travel to see Canada." said one informant, adding, "Then them there Yankees'll need a passport to come south, If they get too feisty, we'll deport'em!"
