MILFORD, OH - For 7th grade Milford Junior Tigers basketball coach Pete Winston, basketball is life. When he wakes up in the morning, he mixes his Cheerios with Fruit Loops and dreams of the play that will win the city championship.
During a montage of pregame motivational speeches, he uses such clichéd lines as, 'Defense wins championships' and 'Goddamnit you little shits, you think there is an "I" in team? No. The answer is no you little piss ants.'
Apple, Inc.'s intuitive spelling has been giving the young players hope that they can refute such an idea.
Apple has been disproving basketball coach's use of "There's no 'I' in team" since the inception of the iPod.
"iTeam, coach. It's a new device from Apple that tracks different players' movements and programs a game plan in unison based on empirical references," declared Amed Pishnash, a young Indian boy on the team unfamiliar with rhetoric.
"Damnit Amed!" Winston cried, "If you happen to actually make it into a game, which would only be resident if we were either up or down a hundred points, just remember that there is no you in 'team' either. You little ass faced dickweed! Do I make myself clear?' he concluded, spit strewn across the young boy's face as if he were a stand-in for a Jenna Jameson film.
The team is currently in a 10 game losing streak in which 2 of the games they attained negative points for scoring in the wrong basket. Winston, however, has been seen strutting up and down the sidelines with a towel in one hand, and an iTeam in the other.
© 2010, The Lampoon Journal.
