HOLLYWOOD - Dancing With The Stars host Tom Bergeron has stated that little 10-year-old British singing sensation Hollie Steel has been signed to appear on the next season of DWTS.
Hollie will be the youngest contestant to ever participate on the dancing show. Judge Len (Sir Crotchety) Goodman was asked if he would take it a little easy on Hollie seeing as how (1) She is a little girl. (2) She is British like he is. (3) She only weighs 37 pounds. And (4) She is very sensitive and tends to break out in horrendous hives when she is criticized.
Goodman laughed in his British accent and replied, "Fish and chips no. I will not be easy on the little tyke. Like most 10-year-olds I know that she will definitely mess up. And if by some miracle she doesn't then I swear that I'll show me bum in the supermarket."
Bruno Tonioli, the Italian judge was a little more sensitive. He said that he will certainly point out any mistakes, errors, blunders, slips, gaffes, faults, flaws, flubs, and boo boos that she makes but he promises that he will not resort to calling her names like tramp, strumpet, or demimondaine.
Judge Carrie Ann Inaba said that she personally feels that Hollie, who stands 4 foot 1 is much too short to be dancing with the male dancers of average height.
She also said that if Hollie is not tall enough to ride the rides at Disneyland then she has no business appearing on DWTS.
Carrie Ann also remarked that she would much prefer that little Hollie be off somewhere playing with Barbie and Ken.
Inaba said, "Look I was a little girl once. And I was highly discriminated against not only because I was short, but because I was not blonde, I was not witty, and I was not rich."
Inaba, who is of Japanese descent was visibly shaken and she took a tissue out of her purse and said, "Please excuse me. I'm sorry. It's just that I get this way when I think about how hard I had it during World War II. (EDITOR'S NOTE: Carrie Ann is 41-years-old. World War II ended in 1945, 64 years ago! So I really have no earthly idea what the flaky broad is talking about.)
Host Tom Bergeron said that he is looking forward to seeing little Hollie perform. He added that he has already written 60 'munchkin' jokes that he will use on the petite British lass.
Bergeron said that he personally spoke to Hollie and she assured him that she will not take offense to his 'midget' jokes. He did promise her that if he tells a 'short' joke and he sees that she is getting ready to start crying that he will immediately go a commercial.
This year's winning professional dancer Mark Ballas said that if he is partnered with Hollie, that he will just simply adjust his dance moves and style by dancing completely on his knees.
He said that he almost had to do it this past season with the eventual winner gold medal gymnast Shawn Johnson, who stands 4 foot 3.
In other news. Dr. Kexter Katzenmeyer of San Luis Obispo, Califorian has gained nationwide notoriety because he has devised a new way of charging for mammograms.
Dr. Katzenmeyer sets the mammogram charges according to cupsize. He said that the fees range from The Dolly Parton DD Knockerinos at $150 ($75 each) to The Ann Coulter A Niblets at $12.98 ($6.49 each).
