(Dagoba System, ??) April 28, 2004-
"The force will be with you," is probably the most quoted piece of dialogue from the entire Star Wars universe. But if recent allegations are true, the phrase will take on a new, unpleasant meaning.
Yoda, 700 year old resident of the Dagoba System, was arrested Monday morning regarding the charge of corrupting minors. Storm Trooper Robert "Sharky" Timmons was quoted as saying Yoda's hut contained various S&M objects, bootleg videotapes of pornography and a lightsaber in the shape of a dildo.
Yoda was released Wednesday afternoon on a $750,000 bail and was greeted outside of the courthouse with a circus of media and Star Wars geeks. His official statement:
"A crime commited against me there has been. Penetrate young Jedi with myself I have not."
Polls show that if Yoda goes to trial, it will be the most covered celebrity scandal since the Jar Jar Binks/Ewoks murders of 1991.