'Dang!' says Varmint

Funny story written by KendoMonkey

Thursday, 5 July 2001

image for 'Dang!' says Varmint
My rustlin' days are over.

Ruthless Joe, said to be one of the fastest gun men in the west, has been found guilty of Varmintism.

Varmintism was outlawed in the west in 1845 after Jon McCreedy killed the mother, father and horse of the lady he loved, Mary Rose. McCreedy's reasons were never fully determined, but it was surmised that he killed the parents and horse after he was banned from seeing Mary Rose. After killing of the 3, Jon then went on to father 5 children within that year - an act that was determined to be beyond the regular goings-on of a Varmint.

In the first case of Varmintism since that time, Ruthless Joe has been convicted of rustling women into secluded barns for "roughin' and tumblin'".

"Dang!" said Ruthless Joe, after being sentenced to four nights without his mule or his cigarettes. "I didn't even know I was no Varmint for doin' what I didz. I duz what I duz - ain't no sayin' it wrong, 'cep' for these folks tellin' me"

The women involved have not been charged with prostitution for unknown reasons.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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