Guilderland, New York (Times Union Staff Writer) - In a desperate attempt to regain a spot on the Guilderland Town Board election ballot, a delusional Warren 'I-am-seeing-red' Redlich has fused himself with a species of botfly via an experimental teleportation device that he constructed in his basement.
"Redlich-Fly" (as Redlich now calls himself in a nod to film-maker David Cronenberg) hopes to capture at least one mosquito before the really cold weather arrives so that he can then can deposit his larvae on the bloodsucker. The mosquito, in turn, will carry his larvae to the home of chief rival Michael Ricard. The idea being that the larvae would then go to work burrowing into the flesh of Mr. Ricard and eating his muscle tissue. In the end to the whole gross ordeal, Ricard will succumb to the maggots and be forced to cede his Town Board seat back to "Redlich-Fly".
In Mr. Redlich's ideal mind, all of this must happen post-haste since the November 6th general election is fast-approaching.
When reached for comment, Redlich's wife (identified only as 'Luvey Duvey') said that she "always knew that teleportation contraption would lead to no damn good".
