San Francisco - A bureaucrat died today in a wildfire while hiking the less groomed regions of northern California. Witnesses said he was trying to help his family escape the rapidly approaching blaze by retreating along a hilly path.
"Let's utilize a safety area!" he called out to his wife. There we can institute accountability in the oxidation evacuation process." His wife drew their two young daughters close to her and began crying. "I told you we shouldn't have come here, you ass" she screamed.
He responded, "While at the present time we don't have the bandwidth to resolve this interpersonal difference productively, I'd love to get some face time with you later to drill down on this to do some results-oriented and cost-effective relationship capacity building. For the foreseeable future this disambiguation is disincentivized by the rapid rise in ambient air temperature. The current baseline should be recontextualized with an outside-of-the-box strategic goal-I'm not saying we have to reinvent the wheel, just"
"Get the fuck out of here?" she wailed
"Establish a safe-harbor that maximized our human capital. But first we need an impactful and measurable change-management strategy that resonates with the stakeholders."
"The children?" she groaned.
"The dependents. There have to be some best practices that will maximize our ROI ASAP, but I'm not sure our core competencies will provide the best value; let's take a look at the relevant white paper-it's in the briefcase with the deliverables. Ahh, yes, due diligence calls for integrating benchmarking into the game plan, unless it leads to feature creep. The question is how to operationalize in the current timeframe while we hunker down-seems like a zero sum game. But the WFM is transparent."
Meanwhile this soliloquy had fanned the surrounding flames, which proceeded to engulf the bureaucrat while his horrified yet somewhat relieved family backed away from their tinder de familias. Realizing he was dying the bureaucrat said, "I guess I'm good to go-I'll be offline for the foreseeable future." And as he fell in a ball of flame over the steep cliff at the edge of the path, they heard him exclaim his final memo, "Don't forget my tacit knowledge!…."
Firefighters airlifted the remaining family unit to safety.
