In a desperate move to reduce the levels of piracy now occurring in the US, the FBI is to use a special seal to tackle the problem.
"Piracy is a major issue for the US economy, and the FBI's third priority after terrorism and counter-intelligence," said an FBI spokesgoon. "Having toothless stinky men dressed in striped shirts and filthy frock-coats swarming all over US shipping, demanding pieces of eight and rum and leaving parrot droppings everywhere is creating a huge problem. And cutlasses are a major health hazard to travellers across the continent."
The special seal is in fact a highly trained marine mammal, fully equipped with navigational and other aids and armed to the flippers with the latest in seek and destroy technology - hook-seeking missiles, radar designed to lock onto Jolly Rogers, and audio tracers programmed to respond to calls of ‘Belay there!' and ‘Avast, ye swabs!' Once the seal has verified that pirates are near it will swim silently up to their ship, pop its nose appealingly out of the water and, when the pirates peer over the rail at it, let them have it with both barrels and anything else it has.
"Over the years animals have played a significant part in our operations," continued the FBI. "Who can forget our $10 million dollar surveillance cat - not our fault it got run over - or the trained dolphins and sea-lions we used to blow up shipping? Well now it's the seal's turn to prove its loyalty to the flag. God Bless America!"
