Houston, Texas - (Ass Mess): New forensic analysis of the
type of ammunition used in President John F Kennedy's 1963 Dallas assassination has confirmed doubts that George W Bush acted alone.
The new study by Texas A&M University ballistics research says the US military was immensely successful in all its strategic cover ups and Dallas '63 was never going to be its flagship failure.
Decades of conspiracy theories were astutely crafted by the Pentagon's creative writing division and gave the public a target for ridicule.
Now A&M researchers have concluded that Bush could never have acted alone and needed the sort of sharp-shooting marksman who, FBI profiling exsperts reckon, 'likes to take out duck, teal and quail if not obstructive lawyers'.
"We're not saying there was no conspiracy. We're saying the conspiracy disinformation idea was planted ahead of the act. That way debunking it became an artform.
"But picking an alibi like Alberto Gonzales was one dumb move for Vice President Cheney.
"All we have to do is unlock his NATO records and it's over in minutes."