Washington DC - (Sinister Press): Security service chiefs are increasingly worried that George W Bush is wandering round the White House fully armed with a loaded gun amid repeated Senate calls for the impeachment of his mobster attorney pal Alberto Gonzales, Vice President Dick Cheney and White House fiction factory supremo Karl Rove.
Several plans to up his bedtime medication and relieve him of the weapon during a deeply sedated sleep have backfired after the President started locking himself in the bedroom at night and banishing Laura to the broom cupboard.
Another plan to use a tranquilliser stun gun on him also misfired after the Maryland Zoo's rhino house weapon was found to be incapable of penetrating the presidential skin.
Officials have been issued with bulletproof clothing and the First Lady advised to take an extended vacation on compassionate grounds to any elderly ailing relatives she can pull out of the proverbial hat who need her company.
Meanwhile the FBI is patting itself on the back after intercepting additional weaponry and ammo destined for Bush that an aide to Democrat Virginia Senator Jim Webb tried to smuggle in to the Senate office building.
Feds have long suspected this cosy bi-partisan arrangement which may be fraying at the edges as Alberto Gonzales' days in high office draw to a close.
Rev Pat Robertson is apoplectic.
