Thousand Oaks, LA - A 30 foot-long white cobra found menacing the streets of a LA suburb has tested radioactive according to reports.
Tonight the deadly male serpent was being detoxed at a secret government laboratory amid fears a bulge in its abdomen showed it 'had swallowed something nasty'.
"We're hoping it's not a vile (sic) of lethal Polonium 210," the curator of reptiles and amphibians at Los Angeles Zoo commented.
Apparently a container of the lethal stuff went missing last week from a nearby Pentagon weapons testing lab causing widespread hysteria all along the West Coast.
So when a 911 emergency call claimed a 'glow-in-the-dark' snake was on the loose at a Thousand Oaks shopping mall local FEMA agents were taking absolutely no chances.
Armed with electronic stun guns and a Geiger counter tricorder first responders fought the beast for over an hour before luring it out from the mall's storm drain.
"Could be a secret new weapon against Al Qaeda," the curator added, "just heard the military's breeding the critters to attack those damned Islamic State insurgents."
More toxicity tests follow early next week.