"Case of Mondays" Would Be Remedied

Written by Cool Papa Bell

Thursday, 17 April 2014

The American Association of Psychiatrists and Slackers International are asking Congress to consider removing Monday from the weekly calendar.

"When someone says, 'I have a case of the Mondays,' it actually is a psychiatric disorder, like blowing kisses to yourself in the mirror. They're just manic Mondays," said AAP Director Dr. Waldo Von Erich.

Von Erich suggested that from a psychological standpoint, it would better to remove Monday, move Tuesday through Friday up a day and then add Friday II to the weekly calendar. Hump Day would now be Thursday.

"So people could say 'TGIF' on two days, giving them more motivation to go to work and enjoy a higher energy level in anticipation of the weekend," said Von Erich.

"Perception is reality. Not having to go to work, or school or the unemployment office, on Monday will make us a stronger and healthier country emotionally," he said.

Slackers International, based in Game Stop stores across the world, also is pushing for the proposal.

"I hate losin' my weekend buzz on Mondays," said SI Assistant Monday Manager Frisco Stonestreet. "Tuesdays just never seem so bad, probably because I'm off that day and go pick up my meds but some Mondays are so bad I can't even find my pants."

House Speaker John Boehner does not think the plan has much merit, and he and some fellow Republicans would even like to see a sixth and seventh day added to the work week calendar.

"We would call them Monday II and Monday III and while they would be paid days off for Congress, we would expect the American working public to be on the job," he said.

He knows this proposal isn't realistic "but what is realistic about what Congress does?"

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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