University Fees "A Bloody Fiasco" Blasts Top Academic

Funny story written by Ellis Ian Fields

Friday, 27 May 2011


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Prof Pulpit yesterday.

Controversial historian Ken Lucid has blasted colleagues who are charging the full £9,000-a-year tuition fees.

Prof Lucid, head of history at Maidenhead University, joined the fees debate yesterday when he sarcastically praised the London School of Economics for charging "only" £8,500.

This morning he followed up his attack with a swipe at two other institutions who have just announced their fees.

The University of Bolton-in-Lancashire, which specialises in "media studies," is to charge the full £9,000. Only last year, its courses were branded as "second rate, at best" by an influential employers' organisation.

Last week, Professor Marjorie Pulpit, of Imperial College Hounslow, also announced a £9,000-a-year fee for their Honours Degree in Nail Technology.

"It's a bloody fiasco," said Prof Lucid. "I'm trying to turn out historians on six-and-a-half grand while these tossers teach telly and manicure and expect to get the full whack!

"I'll bloody give Marge Pulpit a piece of my mind when I see her next week. I don't know who the twat in charge at Bolton is, but what can you expect from a set of Lancs gits?

"Nine bloody grand to watch the telly and talk about it? Does my head in."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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