Increasing numbers of Muslim brides are having taxpayer funded (naturally!) 'virginity' repair operations before marriage.There were 116,000 hymen replacement operations carried out in Bradford Royal Infirmary before lunch this morning, an increase of 95% over last years figure.
A spokesperson for the hospital, Ms Cupid Stuntz, told this reporter; "At the end of the day (or in their case 24/7) young Muslim girls want to break free from centuries old traditions and get their respective knickers off like any other randy sexed up young female on a Friday night after a hard week working for minimum wage in some shitty dead end shop job!
Trouble is, they are still rigourously forced into 'arranged marriages' a practise that has no place in a 21st Century Sodom & Gomorrah like Great Britain. Unfortunately, they must be inspected by the entire family, the groom and the bloody milkman prior to the wedding nuptials to ascertain that the 'chopped liver' is intact. If it is deemed 'second hand' all hell breaks loose and the bride ends up being sent to Coventry-home of young female Muslim rejects!
Worst still, if family are unable to detect damage and the wedding goes ahead if bed sheets are found un-bloodstained in the morning after the ritual wedding night rooting session, then honour killings are often on the cards!!However, luckily help is at hand and the young ladies can have a fanny repair at this hospital -on the NHS House so to speak-or, if fully booked, go private."
Meanwhile, a spokesperson for a well known private medical clinic in Bradford,Doctor Jack Meoff, CEO of "Clitz-R-Us," explained the following;"Due to the increasing and overwhelming demand for this operation we are now seriously considering offering a franchise to "Kwik-Fit-Fitters" who are only too keen to get stuck in and take on some extra work. Moreso, as private fee's can top £1,800 per clit with very few overheads. Obviously, any all operations that they fuck-up can be referred back to any NHS Accident & Emergency Department for immediate attention so no real worries there!"
Teenage serial shagger, Sharon Al Queada was quick to express her feelings;"I'ts fecking great mate, I'm supposed to be marrying some old prick from Lahore in a couple of months, he's an old friend of me Grandad and at least feckin' 80. What bloody good will he be in bed I doubt he can even get it up without a feckin' snake charmer at hand, bollocks to that! Me and me mates are getting plenty of weekend cock down the 'Taj Mehole' nightclub an I ain't giving that up too soon. I'll nip into Bradford Royal a couple of days before the event and have a quick nip/tuck job to keep the family sweet mind you, they'll never know the difference. All me mates are at it up here and it ain't costing us a bleedin' rupee is it!"
Kay Burley is considering cosmetic surgery on her vagina to accomodate two penises at once due to the demand!
