Intrepid reporter Inchcock Chambers, has driven up in his Skoda Estelle to Stormness in the Orkney's, to interview the local police superintendent Wallis Whisky, to confirm the reasons for these suspicions.
The superintendent said: "Our suspicions that Lord Lucan may have been on the island, were aroused when we heard of several of the Royal Scotch Halfbred sheep going missing, and I can assure you that no one on this island would take any beast, an' I was readin' about your politicians fiddling and that, we thought if he was hiddin' away in the wild, he's be gettin' a bit frisky hisself by noo!"
The superintendent then walked away, dribbling profusely into a bag of roasted nuts.
