The annual Glastonbury "Bash" is sold out for 2010 without the organisers divulging their main acts.
The once so famous rock festival (Led Zeppelin performed there once!) now turned into a mega-festival of, well, much to do about nothing really, apart from hippies, travellers, mediocre/ancient bands, crap rappers, circus acts, clowns (Oasis!) etc, is so popular it can now sell out without knowing who's even performing.
Well Jaggedone's CIA (cockroach infiltration army) has been doing some back/underground research and the infamous rock reporter Metal-Licarse has found out the following headline acts for all three days:
Day 1) Headlining: Dame Vera Lynn with her band The Electrozimmerframes + support acts Grandma Cilla black + Sir Cliff Richard and his very ancient Shadows, Sir Cliff has promised his set list to be full of his fab Christmas hits! WOW!
Day 2) Headlining: Reunion of the Bay City Rollers including full Bay City dress supported by The Wombles + The Salisbury Plain Morris Dancers shaking their "Boogies and Bangles" + special guest a very thin, "Batty" Meatloaf with his "Bats out of hell!"
Day 3) Headlining: Gerry and his very Geriatrics needing Pacemakers + support acts, ancient crooner Val Doonican without his guitar (too old to hold one!) + country and western superstars Dolly "big hooters" Parton duetting with Kenny Rogers singing new versions of their fab hits called "Joline you f*****g 2 timing Bitch" and Kenny's "Ruby don't sell your arse in town!"
WOW, WOW, WOW!
After buying a ticket CIA's headbanging reporter Metal-Licarse on hearing the line ups for Glastonbury 2010 is now waiting at the entrance hoping that some female hippy-twat, as high as a kyte, will suck his dick and she can have the ticket as a charitable gesture.
