One of Britain's best loved insitutions - Test Match Special - has been told it needs to modernise and appeal to a wider audience.
In a memo circulated today, the commentators have been given the following new guidelines to make the show more appealing to the younger audience:
"Jokes should be made suggesting sexual performance by deliberately mixing up leg before and leg over
The opportunities of "swinging" should be discussed beyond the movement of the ball, and include explicit reference to extra marital sexual activity
There are lots of opportunity for ribald and schoolboy humour when talking about the balls
The scorer should cease to be a respectable and venerable statistician, but should henceforth be a promiscuous philanderer.
No mention of seagulls or pigeons - the only birds that should be referred to should be pretty and have big tits."
The BBC was unrepentant about what was described by some as disgraceful dumbing down. In a statement the corporation replied: "You were happy with Phil Tuffnell - this is just the next logical step"
