San Francisco, California/Wrinkled Scrotum News - Due to the recent $26B state Bankruptcy , local Fudgies are rooting for one of their own in this internationally acclaimed Fudge Packing Event, and hope other ass holes flocking to the event will help reduce the deficit.
Local TV Evangelist, speaker in tongues, and snake whisperer, Tomas Craig, will be making an historic attempt at trying to claim a second Book of Guinness World Records, trying to pack a lot of fudge in a very small hole, in the shortest amount of time.
Craig is just back from the famous NYC Nathan Hotdog eating contest, where he finished last while watching repeat champion Joey Chesnut defeat perennial challenger and former champ, Takeru Tsumami Kobayashi by gulping 68 hot dogs in 10 minutes. Craig managed just 3 dogs, but he did have them all in his mouth at the same time.
Craig was part of a Fisherman's Wharf amateur group from San Francisco trying to learn a few pointers for his after hour stint in the barrel of a Times Square glory hole where he was volunteering to raise money for Barbara Boxer's reelection campaign.
"Hey, I didn't win," said the rosé cheeked,butt waxed & hairless recycler, " but I sure learned a few new hide the weenie tricks for my job as Party Boy for Mayor Gavin Newsome!"
Craig, also identified as SFO (So Fucking Obnoxious) in recent court documents filed by his former wife during a very messy divorce case involving a contentious custody suit over their pet Gerbil, "Libby", said he lived for these kind of contests, claiming he was extremely compulsive and obsessive in verbal sparing matches, but a complete wuss when it came to any kind of physical activity involving dexterity or coordination.
Craig said despite rumours to the contrary, he WAS NOT being sponsored by the The Spoof.com, but was a non paid spokesman for the Asparagus Society.