Defence cuts of around 2 billion Ukp are going to have a major impact on Scottish Regiments. Apparently they will all be disbanded with only one super regiment remaining.
The thinking, in informed circles, is that with the Euro Army almost in place, there is little point in spending enormous wads of cash on the army, when France will surrender to the first malcontent wielding a bread knife.
However as luck would have it, the situation in Iraq has deteriorated requiring the might of the Scottish armed forces to be called up.
She is Hamisha McCavity, a gay black sex-change, in a wheelchair with a huge learning disability, of Sudanese origin, with distemper, partially sighted and hard of hearing.
Basically your 7 major gender, race and disability groups rolled into one. Apparently she rolls her own tampons as well.
When asked why the entire Scottish Army now totalled one, military spokesman Askme Immoses explained that Hamisha covered all quotas on her own. (The quota is a small Scottish mammal not unlike a Hedgehog).
Before leaving I watched Hamisha practising her drilling : "Left, what! Right, what! Watch out for the flagpole! What! CLANG! What!"