MI6 superspy James Bond has had his licence to kill revoked by Westminster magistrates. The 85 year old Bond, currently residing in a nursing home in Woking was reportedly not up to the job any more.
Bond, who killed people with alarming frequency from 1961 up until last year in defence of the realm was said to be in bad health and mentally confused.
We managed to speak to one of his care workers who told us:
"It's tragic really. He's totally lost the plot. He's not aware of what's going on around him. He needs to be fed and taken to the toilet. And he's started drooling and slipping off to the side when he's in his wheelchair.
"He might have once charmed the knickers off a bevy of beautiful Bond girls and driven flash cars, and sorted out Doctor No and Goldfinger and Jaws and Oddjob and Grace Jones, but those days are long gone."
Westminster Magistrates revoked the licence to kill after Bond attempted to shoot a fellow nursing home resident with a poison dart fired from a cunningly disguised pen.
More as we get it.