Written by D C Maybe

Thursday, 16 April 2009

image for Alistair Darling and Mervyn King to appear on the Dragons' Den
Mr. Darling before entering the Dragons Den

The UK government and Bank of England have taken the extraordinary measure of appearing on popular BBC television show "Dragons' Den" to ask for a 30 billion pound investment in the United Kingdom.

A leaked video of the Chancellor and governor of the Bank of England shows the pair pitching a share of the United Kingdom to the Dragons in exchange for 30 billion pounds. The pair offered a minor county of the UK; however the tough dragons had other ideas. Health club founder Duncan Ballentine rejected the offer of a minor county and offered half the money in exchange for Scotland. He was joined in his bid by retail tycoon Theo Paphitis offering the other half of the money initially in exchange for Cyprus. Fellow dragon Peter Jones pointed out that Cyprus wasn't part of the UK and Mr Paphtis changed his offer to half of the money for Essex and Kent. Prolific investor James Cann declared himself out of the running as he could not see any kind of return on his investment within his lifetime. Tennis guru Peter Jones also declared himself out with the words "You must think I'm mad. I would never invest in such a tired and unstable business model".

Hope of investment for chancellor and governor was fading fast. Finally leisure company boss Deborah Meaden declared interest and offered the entire amount in exchange for Weybridge in Surrey and a cream bun.

After a short deliberation the chancellor and governor turned down both offers. In an after pitch discussion with BBC good guy Evan David the pair said they have decided to sell government gilts at auction instead of accepting the dragons offers. The BBC will visit Mr. Darling and Mr. King, again next year in a Dragons' Den "where are they now" special.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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