Written by Monkey Woods

Wednesday, 8 April 2009


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image for Ian Tomlinson Video 'A Fake', Say Police
Policemen - they're absolutely brilliant, aren't they?

Police accused of murdering the G20 non-protestor Ian Tomlinson in London at the weekend, say that a video produced by some nosey-parker onlooker, is, in fact, a fake, and have confiscated the mobile phone it is stored on, for 'forensic tests'.

Officers from the Metropolitan Police in the capital viewed the footage today and decided that, despite the fact that the officers looked real, and that the man looked a lot like Ian Tomlinson, and that an officer is seen to deck the man from behind without any provocation whatsoever, and that the date and time are clearly evident - that the whole incident has been made up, and have already closed the investigation and neatly disposed of the phone in a skip somewhere.

Mr Tomlinson was on his way home from work when he came across stragglers from the demonstration, and, as he mingled with them, police mistakenly identified him as a troublecauser, and DIDN'T KILL HIM, according to an official statement.

There has been a call for a public enquiry, but these things tend to turn into pointless expensive exercises which find nothing new, hide any truth there was in the first place, and only serve to piss the general public off even more than the murder did, so there probably won't be one.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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