Housewives favourite Alan Titchmarsh has recently been voted in as the new chairman of his local vice-club.
The cuddly gardening expert was voted in, but it was another man using the presenter's name and identity. The club, which specialises in all types of vice, is keen to continue the association.
The group's leader, Patricia Clamp, said: 'This is a coup for the club. Obviously, Mr Titchmarsh is not really the new chairman, but we thought we could get in the papers if we used his name. We have had a number of new members on top of this, so we have done really quite well from our Association with Mr Titchmarsh'
We left Mrs Clamp alone after a bang on the door, and her cry of 'Mr Blair is here for his appointment. Now, where did I leave my equipment'. Since we wrote this, the club has been shut down by Policemen posing as customers.