London - (Ass Mess): The heir apparent to the Pretender to the Throne has written a book about Diana, Princess of Wales's early money-laundering days when she was a gauche, naive and eager drug-mule, smuggling crack cocaine proceeds on behalf of her blood-father, US Vice President George Herbert Bush.
William's gloosy hagiography is published next month in a bold effort to sustain a relentless media campaign to whitewash over Diana's heroin-addicted past where she was bribed from an early age to assimilate the name, persona and ID of Lady Diana Spencer with a view to taking over the British Puppet Monarchy.
The dust jacket of William's "Diana, My Goddess Mother" shows the young Hellfire Club-hired slapper laundering the Bush family's Panamanian coke-dealing proceeds for which General Noriega conveniently went down for a fifteen year stretch in a Miami slammer.
The Metropolitan Police's Serious Fraud Squad has been more than happy to supply endless snaps of Diana's early forays into organised crime including over two hundred individual male friends whom she shagged silly furing her reign as the Queen of Hearts.
Kate Middleton is no longer pregnant.
