Tuesday, 19 June 2007

image for Falconer Releases Goldilock's Murderers
"Who's been eating MY porridge!?" were the last words Goldilocks would hear.

London, UK - 19/06/2007. Lord Falconer today confirmed that the notorious Bear Family would be released from Prison early under new guidelines.

The Bear Family were found guilty in 1865 of the murder and subsequent eating of Goldilocks and were sentenced to life imprisonment. Although Goldilocks was a serial burglar and stealer of Porridge, the prosecution advised that the Bears should have called Toytown Police and not taken the law into their own hands. Similarities to the Tony Martin case were pointed out in the Toytown Times.

"They are not considered a danger to the public," Lord Falconer's spokesman said. "They have been model inmates with only one reported instance of mauling. Since being inside, Daddy Bear has lost the sight in one button due to a knife incident involving Rumpelstiltskin."

Prisons have become overcrowded due to the recent arrest of the Pied Piper of Hamlin and his 50,000 rat accomplices. Lord Falconer says he has no choice but to release offenders early.

"Each member of the Bear Family will be tagged by Group Paw and monitored every day by the Seven Dwarves," Lord Falconer cautioned.

Calls to build more prisons were shouted down by Labour who later admitted that only one of the Three Pigs were qualified to build suitable accomodation.

Cameron called for an immediate enquiry by Mother Goose to take place.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Fairy Tale

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