London - (Ass Mess): The £75 million Airbus 340 which BAE's slush fund bought as a sweetener for dodgy Saudi arms dealer Prince Bandar was secretly bugged with the CIA's most sophisticated surveillance equipment ever.
Kitted out at UK taxpayers' expense to palatial standards matching Bandar's stratospheric ego the Airbus was part of the £40 billion Al-Yamamah arms-for-peerages deal which includes all its ongoing repairs and maintenance.
Its striking silver and blue livery reflects the colors of Bandar's favorite US American football team the Dallas Cowboys and was given to him in 1998 on his birthday.
A recent routine refit of the flying cocaine palace's lavatories, however, revealed 'more sophisticated surveillance hardware' than in all the combined foreign embasssies in Moscow.
How the Saudi princelet failed to discover the secret bugs that the CIA insisted on hardwiring into the flying fortress is a mystery.
But it may have formed part of a long-term bugging operation into Bandar's terror activities which in the UK have unearthed a massive BAE bribe fund of £1.2 billion that was given to him via offshore accounts registered in global dictators' favorite bent finacial institution the Riggs Bank.
Bandar denies corruption allegations which have been probed in the UK by the Serious Fraud Office until Prime Monster Tony Blair started shitting his pants over fears
his personal links being revealed in the slush fund's dispersals.
Citing 'national interest' Blair halted the SFO investigation just as the cops discovered the entire money trail around the world.
This went from the Ministry of Defence coffers into Riggs Bank London accounts and straight onto the Saudi Embassy in Washington's accounts at DuPont Circle branch of Riggs.
Then a series of siphoning-offs sent the money into Bandar's private accounts in Riggs Bank (Suisse) SA in Zurich.
The SFO's co-operation with the CIA-installed surveillance equipment onboard Bandar's pleasure craft soon decoded the Swiss account encryptions and found that up to £100 milion of Bandar's original £1.2billion from BAE had been redistributed personally by him.
These funds went to UK-based former IRA commanders recruiting disgruntled Asians from opium and heroin-dealing families who could not repay their narcotic debts apart from selling prepubescent daughters in marriage to their creditors.
Up to 200 of Blair's enobled Life Peers entering the House of Lords since 1998 have either been recipients of this Bandar largesse or are directly connected to the cash-for-peerages scam currently under renewed investigation in London.
And as a final twist the UK's Special Branch has now claimed irrefutable evidence that the 7/7 London bombers were paid mercenaries whose families in the Afghani opium belt had their narcotics dealing debts cancelled with Bandar's Swiss slush fund hand-outs.
Lord Levy, 59, is shitting bricks tonight.