Inquest into Diana's death reopened - conspiracy theorists happy

Written by BluntScissors

Friday, 2 March 2007

image for Inquest into Diana's death reopened - conspiracy theorists happy
Stupid munter! Die Di Die!

Thanks to tireless harassment by fat Egyptian twat Mohammed Al-Fayed, the police have been forced to re-open their inquiry into the death of vain, egocentric, horse-faced monger Princess Diana, who was allegedly killed accidentally in Paris in 1997.

The woman with less taste than sense married Prince Charles in 1982, but it was said to be a hollow marriage. Prince Charles wanted some young totty to hide his homosexuality and obvious preference for animals (e.g. Camilla), while Diana was a naive but manipulative gold-digger with a penchant for big ears.

The marriage was doomed to fail, but amazingly took 10 years before it did. Both partners had affairs, by which time the gutter press had taken to putting Diana on the front page of every tabloid in a bid to brainwash the public into thinking that she was actually an interesting and glamorous person.

Sadly the deception worked and when the stupid bitch got splatted in a car, it made the front page of a lot of other papers too. Following this, the brainwashed revealed themselves in a disgusting display of sentimentality which made many British people very embarrassed to even live here.

Thankfully the sad little episode was forgotten, until the lard-assed Harrods-owning muck-raker Al-Fayed began spreading his conspiracy theories.

Actually there isn't really a story here at all. This is not news! Don't buy any papers that put this crap on their front page! It's irrelevant shit!

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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