Roy Halladay is a Talentless Loser, Says Reds' Jay Bruce. A--hole.

Funny story written by anthonyrosania

Thursday, 7 October 2010

image for Roy Halladay is a Talentless Loser, Says Reds' Jay Bruce. A--hole.
Basebol, as it is called by the 252,214 Latino MLB players.

Roy Halladay was one pitch away from post-season immortality.

And Jay Bruce f--ked it up.

While the Phillies' ace --does anyone even remember Chiff Whats-his-name anymore?-- did manage to throw only the second no-hitter in postseason history Wednesday night, Jay Bruce played Michael Vick to Halladay's October puppy-dog.

"It's surreal, it really is," Halladay said after the 4-0 victory.

Out of 104 pitches, Halladay made only one mistake that mattered: A full-count cut fastball to Jay Bruce was too low, yielding a walk with two outs in the fifth inning.

No other Red reached base.

"Jay could've helped me out," said Halladay. "His team is gonna be sitting at home in a week anyway. Help a brother out, Bruce!"

Even the loser Reds manager had to give it up for Roy.

"You're almost helpless, because the guy's dealing," said Reds manager Dusty Baker, because he's already given the f--k up.

Since throwing a perfect game against the Florida Marlins in May, Halladay joins Nolan Ryan and three other guys you've never heard of as the only people who've thrown two no-hitters in the same year.

A number of striking parallels exist between Halladay and Nolan Ryan, and it ain't just pitching way, way, WAY longer than he should've.

Nolan Ryan pitched his two no-hitters in 1973 with the California Angels. Halladay's been to California.

Halladay wears No. 34, same as Ryan. Spooky.

They are both white, ugly as sh-t, and will use their abilities playing a child's game to make enough money to support their great-grandchildren.

"Roy has a real good arm, and he has real good stuff," said the one of the f--k=up Reds, "It's OK to admit defeat. It's OK to tip your cap to a guy that was better than you, and tonight that was the case."

"I'm booking a cruise to Cabo for next week. Do you think we'll be busy."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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