'Screamo English Premier League' now open for bets!

Funny story written by Jaggedone

Saturday, 13 March 2021

image for 'Screamo English Premier League' now open for bets!
Once their screams were drowned by crowds, now we can all hear then SCREAM after they fall over a blade of grass!

(NOT EDITED) Empty stadiums, canned crowd noise, and non-canned crowd noise on TV, have given the English FA opportunities to offer fans a way to rid their frustrations at not being inside their favourite stadium.

The EFA have formed a new Premier League competition whereby the loudest 'Screamers' on the footy fields will be measured and judged by Irish 'Leg-Breaker' Roy Keane, a real hard man, and Vinny Jones, 'Bollock Grabbing, ex-Wimbledon Nutter!'

After the week in, week out footy offered on TV all around the globe, Keano and Jones will decide league tables of which players and which teams 'scream' the loudest after falling over a blade of grass, or tripping over their laces, or just doing a 'Klinsi Schwalbe' to get a penalty!

These are the present top ten 'Screamo' Teams', and coincidentally, the teams at the top are mostly represented by 'Screamos' from South America, Portugal, Spain, and Italy because players tend to pray to their Gods before entering the field of play hoping they can scream loud enough to get a penalty for their team!

1st) Wolves (Team is full of Portuguese players and South American players who scream every time they are tickled by their opponents)

2nd) Leeds United (They scream second loudest every time their opponents touch the buns in their £500,00 hair-do's)

3rd) Everton (Brazilians, Columbians, French, what more do you expect? Scream the house down!)

4th) Liverpool (multi-culti bunch of losers who scream and stamp their feet every time they lose the ball, or don't know where the goal is!)

5th) Chelsea (Bunch of multi-culti softies, including Germans, who scream and act as if they have been pole-axed by a German panzer!)

6th) Manchester City (Screaming Spanish, Brazilian, Argentinian players do everything they can to get penalties, but sadly their non-noisy-neighbours get all of them!)

7th) Manchester United (scream, especially Anthony Martial, as soon as he sees a longer blade of grass in the opposing penalty area and gets the penalties City dream of!)

8th) Arsenal (Bunch of loud screaming French, Spanish, South American perennial losers, and only Arsenal fans bother to watch them lose yet again)

9th) Tottenham Hotspur (Players are reasonably silent when being pole-axed, but their manager, Mourinho, screams like a raving lunatic every time the ref gives a decision against his team!)

10th) Aston Villa (They Have Jack Grealish, most fouled player in the league, he screams all the time, but nobody gives a shit about Villa, so his decibels get lost somewhere in Peaky Blinder Land!)

Lower teams in the 'Screamo' League aint worth betting on, but it looks like Sheffield United could do with someone 'screaming' at their players to wake them up!!

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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