Written by queen mudder

Saturday, 1 June 2013

image for Pope's horse finishes last in Epsom Derby
In the traditional yellow and white papal colors

Sport - Spanish Inquisitor, the nein!-to-one mount of His Eminence the Witchfinder General, stormed to a thrilling anticlimax round Tattenham Corner on Saturday afternoon to finish last behind winning favorite Kiss My Butt and at least thirty other top three year-olds.

After drifting in online exchanges early in the morning the chestnut son of Leading Sire of 2010 Blushing Nazi came a cropper under the good-to-firm Epsom ground despite some encouraging signs from his recent Dante's Inferno Stakes prep race win.

Today's flop was watched from the Royal Box by Elizabeth Windsor who is rumored to have lost a packet backing the Argie Pope's nag.

Her loyal entourage of royal gold diggers looked equally glum as 3/1 chance Kiss My Butt stormed home to a ten length victory after breaking the course and distance record set in 1995 by the Ballybollox-trained F++king Evil C+nt.

Speaking to reporters after the race winning trainer Benny Toe Mussolini IV[f] put down the horse's victory to breeding, pointing out that on his dam's side he's related to 'just about every Papal whorse since the late Queen Mother'.

"A big bag of breakfast oats also helps, of course," the Limekilns trainer added, "we tie them to the horse's back legs during training, makes their rear muscles develop nice and tough - just what you need in Epsom's test of stamina."

25/1 runner-up Quasimodo's Revenge next runs at Windsor on Halloween.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: The Derby

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