Written by Ossurworld

Thursday, 15 November 2012

Whatever did Bill Belichick say to Aqib Talib when the latest New England Patriot showed up at Gillette Stadium?

When asked at his press conference, the Head Coach declined to respond. This led certain wags to speculate about the possible advice or sterner stuff the Coach offered to make Talib turn about to fair play.

Largely dismissed by pundits, the comment unlikely to come from Bill's lips to Talib's ear would be: "I don't trust a man who has no 'u' after 'q' in his name."

Also unlikely is the warning, "If you miss one tackle, you're out of here." Since the entire defense misses tackles as a rule, this may be an area where teammates must bring Aqib up to snuff.

We also doubt that Bill Belichick gave Talib a dope slap when his attention started to wander. Nor do we think he said, "Didn't you take your Adderall this morning?"

Whether Belichick pontificated about dope slapping cab drivers, we also reject. However, we think Belichick may have asked what he would do in practice the next time Wes Welker tries to stick it to the coach.

It seems improbable that Belichick told Talib that his mother should be alerted that metal detectors surround Gillette Stadium, in case she shows up packing heat-a standard condition according to some press reports.

We sincerely doubt if Bill inquired whether Aqib will live up to his name as the "Last One," to stop the pass receiver.

We do believe Coach Belichick may have asked Aqib if he disliked living in Cleveland as much as he and Lebron James. Both Belichick and James have tenuous ties to Cleveland, Ohio.

Matters as delicate as what was said between Belichick and Talib are as sacred as the priest's confessional. We just hope there are no "Hail Mary" plays in Talib's future.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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