Written by Ossurworld

Thursday, 1 March 2012

The Ides of March loom ahead.

Though young fans only know the Ides of March as a George Clooney movie, it has ramifications more far-reaching than that. It is the day of destiny; it is the NBA trade deadline.

Originally meant to be a day to sacrifice to the warrior god Mars, Shakespeare turned March 15 into an omen of doom and death. If the Bard of Avon were writing today on the NBA, he would turn Doc Rivers into Brutus and Kendrick Perkins into Marc Antony.

David Stern will, as usual, play Casesar's wife.

For Julius Caesar, the soothsayer warned Caesar of going to the Forum that day. Arrogant and self-centered, Caesar didn't buy the talk that Brutus was ready to dispatch him. Even old Calpurnia was having nightmares-sort of like the Big Three before every game.

Rajon Rondo may soon be on his way to the TD Garden where some hideous fate will befall him.

Whether Danny Ainge's genome ties him to Brutus, only the trade deadline will tell. Anne Boleyn had to face the chopping block only once, and Rajon Rondo faces the trading block every day.

The Boston media have been acting like soothsayers for years-warning athletes in the area that the character assassins are afoot. What they seldom mention is that they are the assassins.

When Caesar got his unjust desserts, they found about 25 slices and dices in his punctured body. After any trade happens, they may discover that Rondo suffered a thousand cuts by the Celtics sportswriters and radio talkers.

We cringe at what secrets will be revealed about Rondo upon his departure from Boston. The waters are already muddier than the Charles River. Rondo contrails will fill the sky.

If Danny Ainge has a lean and hungry look, we should remember that he advised Red Auerbach to trade Larry Bird when the knives were being sharpened. Instead, Red sent Danny packing, refusing to sing "Bye, Bye, Birdie."

Now Danny is one of the honorable men running the latest incarnation of Celtics.

Rondo might let them do their worst if the fates sent him to Oklahoma City where Kendrick Perkins waits patiently. Perk has been polishing his speech to friends, Bostonians, and NBA fans, when Rondo is finally done in.

Rondo may not be going to the Los Angeles Forum on March 15, but Danny Ainge may send him there to play with Kobe Bryant, a punishment worse than death for the egocentric epicenter of the team.

When he takes shots before each game, Rondo's ears are plugged with music from his little iPod buds. Whether he hears, "Don't cry for me, Argentina," or "Bye, bye, Birdie," we know the point guard will go with a song his heart.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Topics: Rajon Rondo

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
81 readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more