Banks Tested
LONDON: Banks tested for crises capability. "Weakest have lowest reserves". Oh really? And how many of the 51 banks tested have an ounce of gold?
written by Auntie Matter, 30 July 2016
Rowling Announces Potter Book 8
"Never say never", she says. Duh? And Potter sheeple everywhere figured they had closed dat old Potter gold mine for good and gone home. Have your pocket money ready.
written by Auntie Matter, 30 July 2016
RBS Bank Fails Stress Test
LONDON: RBS banks fails stress test. Queen announces national day of mourning.
written by Auntie Matter, 30 July 2016
Sanders supporters on DNC leak: "Democracy is dead!"; Wasserman Schultz: "No shit!"
"Put the bong down and remember your history classes," ex DNC chair Debbie Wasserman Schultz tells Bernie Bros. "This is real life," she added. "If you want Democracy, go watch America's Got Talent!"
written by Nicholas Renteria, 30 July 2016
Donald Trump Abducted by ISIS
His captors have reportedly strapped him to a chair, Clockwork Orange style, and are forcing him to watch Speedy Gonzales, Machete, and Cheech & Chong, until he volunteers to cut his own throat.
written by Vlad D.M. Paylaw, 30 July 2016
Presidential Credentials
Donald Trump wants to build a wall around the Mets. He'd make the Wilpons pay for it.
written by Michael Balton, 30 July 2016
