Muhammad Ali Torture Yeilds Confession
Interrogators tortured former boxer Muhammad Ali and forced him to confess his plot to crash a single-engine Piper Cub airplane into Trump Tower. He was then awarded a consolation prize and sent home.
written by Dick Sheerer, 16 July 2015
Santorum's Celibacy Solution
Former sex abuse victim-turned cock-chop crusader Rick Santorum swore to god on a stack of Bibles that if elected president he will order the immediate penis amputations of all male democrats.
written by Dick Sheerer, 16 July 2015
Christie's Drought Relief Plan
To garner support in his bid for the presidency Chris Christie offered a novel proposition to help drought-stricken areas by flying over western states and urinating down on the parched earth below.
written by Dick Sheerer, 16 July 2015
Facebook Replaces Bible
ROME- His most pompous Pope Francis issued a decree for the sanctification of Facebook, making the omnipresent website portal a digital tabernacle with direct access to Mark Zukerburg, the antichrist.
written by Dick Sheerer, 16 July 2015
Secret Oval Office Quorum
President Obama invited his spiritual adviser to meet with members of his inner circle in the Oval Office and conduct a séance to invoke the spirits of JFK and Marilyn Monroe and to watch them fuck.
written by Dick Sheerer, 16 July 2015
US, Middle East Make Nuclear Pact
In a recent pact between the United States and Iran, the US gains full access to the country's Nuclear Program. Unfortunately once inside, all they found were over one million recycled GE Microwaves.
written by Xavier Fairbanks, 16 July 2015
Christie's Holiday Plan Fizzles Out
A permit filed at the NY City Events Commission for the Goodyear blimp to be replaced by Chris Christie at the Labor Day Parade was denied because just one fart would crash him like the Hindenburg.
written by Dick Sheerer, 16 July 2015
High Tribunal Upholds Lucifer's Law
An unelected cadre of ominous inquisitors clad in long black robes emerged from the shadows mumbling Satanic chants and gave a thumbs-up signal upholding ritualistic child sacrifices through abortion.
written by Dick Sheerer, 16 July 2015
White House Eviction
Offensive GOP lawmakers passed a bill and over-rid the president's veto, clearing the way to serve an eviction notice that requires the Obamas to vacate the White House and move into a Black House.
written by Dick Sheerer, 16 July 2015
Sanders Speech Disturbs Former FBI Chief
While hearing the hell-raising democrat Bernie Sanders give one of his classic campaign speeches at Arlington National Cemetery, former FBI Director J.Edgar Hoover rolled over in his grave. Don't RIP.
written by Dick Sheerer, 16 July 2015
DC Escapees At Large
A nationwide manhunt is underway to track down two escapees from the psychiatric ward of a maximum insecurity facility in Washington DC. The names of the lunatics are John Boener and Mitch McConnell.
written by Dick Sheerer, 16 July 2015
