Coldest October to March Ever!
The snow fell without a break
Buffalo died in the frozen fields you know
Through the coldest winter in almost fourteen years
I couldn't believe you kept a smile
Now I can rest assure -Rod Stewart
written by Bureau, 25 March 2014
Excerpts from Sarah's Speeches #9
"..in this modern age of the thing theory and our instruments of welfare...."
written by Bureau, 25 March 2014
Excerpts from Sarah's Speeches #8
"Before endorsing candidates, we went to Europe to see how they ran their countries in places from Whales to the Popalcy."
written by Bureau, 25 March 2014
True Facts From Snoops: #1075
Snoops: Archaeologists now say that stone age man invented a primitive duck call.
written by Bureau, 25 March 2014
True Facts From Snoops: #1074
Snoops: One out of ten women drivers on the road will swallow a piece of cosmetics at one time or another (eye liner, lipstick, lip gloss).
written by Bureau, 25 March 2014
True Facts From Snoops: #1073
Snoops: Albert Einstein relatives are suing for his theory of "It Takes Two Baby" and "One is the Loneliest Number".
written by Bureau, 25 March 2014
True Facts From Snoops: #1072
Snoops: George Washington used seventeen different quills to sign the Declaration of Independence.
written by Bureau, 25 March 2014
True Facts From Snoops: #1071
Snoops: Pope Francis laughingly calls his own recipe, "the spaghetti western".
written by Bureau, 25 March 2014
Obama Says Russia Is 'Regional Power,' Not America's Top Geopolitical Foe
Swell bunch that Putin and his poisoners. He's also against free speech! Slip a reporter into Siberia and take some pics & videos.
written by Bureau, 25 March 2014
One that broke camels back!
I love my little vegetarian wife but after trying Mountain Soysters, I resign!
written by Bureau, 25 March 2014
NFL Bans Goalpost 'Dunking'.
Still under view: Certain movements by cheerleaders that might be suggestive.
written by Bureau, 25 March 2014
TV's 'Judge Joe Brown' Arrested, Jailed -- For Contempt Of Court...
"About time I got a little publicity for low priced ads in most newspapers."
written by Bureau, 25 March 2014
POLL: 78% Favor Proof of Citizenship Before Being Allowed to Vote
May take two days to vote at this rate. Maybe one day with a replay in case we're not sure vote is legal.
written by Bureau, 25 March 2014
RUMSFELD: 'A Trained Ape' Could Manage War Better Than Obama.
"A trained ape has already had it's chance a few years ago", respond Dems.
written by Bureau, 25 March 2014
Merkel miffed at Barack Obama and David Cameron 'nuclear war game'
Leaders say that they need to practice what they would do as time would be short to respond.
written by Bureau, 25 March 2014
Porcupines float in water.
But I wouldn't be grabbing on if you start sinking.
written by Bureau, 25 March 2014
Polar bears are left handed.
So keep dodging that wicked left and kicking him below the belly!
written by Bureau, 25 March 2014
Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.
Also, you can get higher than drilling a hole in your head.
written by Bureau, 25 March 2014
Oklahoma girl breaks decades-old Girl Scout cookie sales record
Comes from a big family of 12, who average 300 pounds each.
written by Bureau, 25 March 2014
Unemployment Rate up for Men and College Grads
"Art Appreciation" not needed in many places at the present time.
written by Bureau, 25 March 2014
Woman hurt in Boston Marathon bombing going back to this year's event
"This time I'll be carrying my own pressure cooker!"
written by Bureau, 25 March 2014
Girl Shaves Head for Pal, Breaks School Dress Code
What part of her head had the dress normally been worn?
written by Bureau, 25 March 2014
Every human spent about half an hour as a single cell.
So you need not think you're any better than the rest of us, single cell boy!
written by Bureau, 25 March 2014
Why "Bless You" After a Sneeze?
It's to keep you from saying what you're actually thinking about idiot causing you to jump out of your skin!
written by Bureau, 25 March 2014
Uranus' orbital axis is tilted at 90 degrees.
If you don't believe us, just check the mirror.
written by Bureau, 25 March 2014
True Facts From Snoops: #1070
Snoops: The reason everyone called Elvis Presley 'The King' was because he died on his throne.
written by Bureau, 25 March 2014
True Facts From Snoops: #1069
Snoops: The Slinky was invented when a spring suddenly came out of a couch beside inventor and went running across the floor.
written by Bureau, 25 March 2014
True Facts From Snoops: #1068
Snoops: A torpedo with explosives inside could blow a hole in a ship the size of a barn door. Therefore, many WWII ships carried extra barn doors on them.
written by Bureau, 25 March 2014
True Facts From Snoops: #1067
Snoops: Dinosaurs once roamed at Badlands Park in South Dakota. Fossils older than Betty White discovered there.
written by Bureau, 25 March 2014
Lady GaGa Also Injured
Second 'meat dress' brings chase of dozens of dogs between taxi and building door.
written by Bureau, 25 March 2014
Miley Cyrus Hospitalized after putting on thong backwards
Manager: She was running late and put it on in a hurry.
written by Bureau, 25 March 2014
After Kicking Out Russia, the G8 Is Now The G7
Putin overheard saying that he was starting his own G-Group.
written by Bureau, 25 March 2014
Reid says GOP may have helped Russia annex Crimea
"Rand Paul and the Tea Party led the charge!" Reid to undergo brain surgery next week.
written by Bureau, 25 March 2014
Today in History #3
In 1865, Confederate forces attacked Fort Stedman in Virginia but were forced to withdraw because of counterattacking Union troops but then launched their own counterattacking counterattacking group!
written by Bureau, 25 March 2014
Today In History #2
In 1776, Gen. George Washington, commander of the Continental Army, was awarded the first Incontinental Gold Medal by the Continental Congress. "Gold being the perfect color", joked Franklin.
written by Bureau, 25 March 2014
Watching Today's News...
Power corrupts; Absolute power corrupts absolutely.
Apparently, it also makes you stupid.
written by The Ruling Authority, 25 March 2014
Today In History
On March 25, 1634, English colonists sent by Lord Baltimore arrived in present-day Baltimore. They named Baltimore after Lord Baltimore but left off the "Lord".
written by Bureau, 25 March 2014
Excerpts From Sarah's Speeches #6
"Rome fell when they somehow underestimated the number of Zulus coming from Zulusville."
written by Bureau, 25 March 2014
Banker Deaths Leave Industry Concerned..
Better check the overseas accounts of all of the others.
written by Bureau, 25 March 2014
Feds urge 13-month sentence for FOXNEWS leaker.
Freedom of the Press getting worse by the minute. (Feds): "This is not true!"
written by Bureau, 25 March 2014
Obama's first visit to Brussels to cost Belgium more than €10m.
"We're sorry, Mr. President but we may have to cut your trip short or at least send 100 of your bodyguards home."
written by Bureau, 25 March 2014
New Signee Upset
Denver Nuggets new signee from Europe upset over team spelling his name backwards.
written by Bureau, 25 March 2014
George Will's New Book on Wrigley Field and the Chicago Cubs is Out
Asked about the state of the current Cubs' team, Mr. Will opined: "Not having won since 1908, the Cubs are in the second century of their rebuilding effort." Wow! Looks like 2100's are a winner!
written by Trinculoman, 25 March 2014
The first person selected as the Time Magazine Man of the Year
Al Scarface Capone! He made them an offer they couldn't refuse.
written by Bureau, 25 March 2014
The first known contraceptive was crocodile dung, used by Egyptians in 2000 B.C.
I bet that was when the original "Crocodile Rock" came out.
written by Bureau, 25 March 2014
The most money ever paid for a cow in an auction was $1.3 million.
Must have been a second Golden Calf!
written by Bureau, 25 March 2014
There are two credit cards for every person in the United States.
That's not true, I only have one. Uhoh! Better check with the bank first thing tomorrow.
written by Bureau, 25 March 2014
Isaac Asimov is the only author to have a book in every Dewey-decimal category.
But only one each in the Huey and Louie Decimal System!
written by Bureau, 25 March 2014
Karoke means "empty orchestra" in Japanese.
Either that or "Person with voice like frog".
written by Bureau, 25 March 2014
When you die your hair still grows for a couple of months.
So no bald heads in the next life?
written by Bureau, 25 March 2014
According to suicide statistics, Monday is the favored day for self-destruction.
This is believed to have come about because of so many Klingons having wild weekends. "Oh my head. This is a good day to die."
written by Bureau, 25 March 2014
Odontophobia is the fear of teeth.
Many swimmers develop this after a close call by a shark.
written by Bureau, 25 March 2014
Researchers say that Kim of NKorea Perfect
The shape of his head shows that he is perfectly mad as a hatter. His is even flatter than that of his father so he is more dangerous.
written by Bureau, 25 March 2014
Excerpts From Sarah's Speeches #5
(Christmas 2013) "The reason Joseph and Mary couldn't get into any of those hotels in Jerusalem was because they were prejudice against Hebrew Jews!"
written by Bureau, 25 March 2014
Excerpts From Sarah's Speeches #4
"You didn't see Pootin slipping around when Ronald G. Reagan was president. He would never put up with those commies, those Bullshitvicks!
written by Bureau, 25 March 2014
Excerpts From Sarah's Speeches #3
"I'm so afraid that the President is so occupied with Crimea & Ucrain that Pootin will slip troops into South Ireland.
written by Bureau, 25 March 2014
