Brand New Sleep Aid Takes America by Storm
It's the Best of Yawni. No one has been able to hear it to it's finish!
written by Bureau, 20 March 2014
US Lawmakers Laugh Off Putin's Sanctions
That's one thing that both parties share, a laugh at Putin. He'll shit his pants.
written by Bureau, 20 March 2014
Chew on this: Gum loses its pop
"It's..like..a sign that you are an hairhead or like something funny-like", Blonde informs us.
written by Bureau, 20 March 2014
NBC Retracts Story
George W, Bush is not a mass murderer. (That would mean that current President was also).
written by Bureau, 20 March 2014
Reporter retracts story, says Press Sec doesn't get questions in advance.
And he's a much wiser and richer man for doing so!
written by Bureau, 20 March 2014
US Officials Subjected to Russian "Sanctions" Should Quote General McAuliffe from World War II
Putin's move to impose meaningful "sanctions" on US officials should be answered by the phrase uttered by US Gen McAuliffe in sieged Bastogne when directed by Kraut Gen Luttwitz to surrender: "Nuts!"
written by Trinculoman, 20 March 2014
Attorney General Holder Promotes Lesser Sentences for Drug Dealers
WashDC-Today General Holder advocated reducing the penal sentences for convicted drug dealers,thus complying with orders from his paymasters and cronies in the Colombian and Mexican Drug Combines.
written by Trinculoman, 20 March 2014
Local High School Student Restrained After Learning About Big Bang Theory
A local high school student (name withheld because he is a minor) had to be subdued on Thursday after discovering that the day's science lecture on The Big Bang had nothing to do with vaginas.
written by Catchthisdrift, 20 March 2014
Third sniffer dog drowns during search for missing flight MH370
"Gypsy" the sniffer dog reportedly ran in the Indian Ocean during search and hasn't been seen since.
written by Patrick Parkinson, 20 March 2014
Missing plane on Chilean mountain is a UFO!
A lama farmer discoverd the wreck of a plane on top of a Chilean mountain, sadly it was an UFO instead filled with cannibal corpses and wasn't worth mentioning!
written by unknown
True Facts From Snoops #1117
Snoops: Among recently discovered artifacts of Leonard Da Vinci was a drawing of a prototype of the Segway.
written by Bureau, 20 March 2014
True Facts From Snoops #1116
Snoops: The first gift ever gift-wrapped was in a box.
written by Bureau, 20 March 2014
True Facts From Snoops #1115
Snoops: Native Americans took turns wearing Custers scalp but they had to quit as one drunk woke up and shot the one wearing it.
written by Bureau, 20 March 2014
True Facts From Snoops #1114
Snoops: A recent poll shows that one driver out of ten will hit the only tree within five miles!
written by Bureau, 20 March 2014
True Facts From Snoops #1113
Instead of saying, "Here's your hat, what's your hurry?' here on earth, on Klingon states it as, "This is a good day for you to die."
written by Bureau, 20 March 2014
True Facts From Snoops #1112
Snoops: The guy who talked for "Mr. Ed" the talking horse was the same one who played Lurch on "The Addams Family"!
written by Bureau, 20 March 2014
City threatens to fine woman for posting missing dog fliers.
Why? If she can get it to fly, it will be more easily spotted.
written by Bureau, 20 March 2014
SNAP: Man detained at airport after announcing, 'I have a bomb in my ass'.
Beaten up after letting go a huge fart when agent checks it out.
written by Bureau, 20 March 2014
Ellen tells Obama 'everyone's very grateful' for Obamacare!
"Without things like that, we comedy people would have little material to use."
written by Bureau, 20 March 2014
White House Sec Denies knowing questions in advance
"That was the first thing that I am supposed to say. I think you on the second row was to deny it also. I'm waiting...OK, I'll answer it even though you forgot to ask it."
written by Bureau, 20 March 2014
George W. Bush Advises Obama
"Don't worry about Putin's threats. He doesn't want a nucklar war either."
written by Bureau, 20 March 2014
President Obama Upset With George W. Bush
Asked his fellow Republicans to tell him to leave off the "Bring It On" remarks to Putin.
written by Bureau, 20 March 2014
Population of Colorado Jumping by Leaps & Falls
Census takers will have to double their employees as Denver population already tripled.
written by Bureau, 20 March 2014
Tumbleweeds overtake neighborhood and trap families in their homes
Bucolic Buffalo and local Native American group free householders. "No likem tumbleweeds", says Bucolic Buffalo. "Frome way!"
written by Bureau, 20 March 2014
Snowden Too Suspicious
A suspicious Edward Snowden didn't answer letter inviting him to The Whistleblowers of America" convention in Wyoming.
written by Bureau, 20 March 2014
FBI, CIA Agents attack wrong building!
"Little Sisters of the Poor" say that there were several injuries, some of them to the nuns there.
written by Bureau, 20 March 2014
World on Brink of Another Cold War?
"We may have to do this in order to stop global warming!", say scientists.
written by Bureau, 20 March 2014
"Human Statute performer" revealed to be actual statue
Previously was thought to be extremely dedicated artist
written by Patrick Parkinson, 20 March 2014
Are You an Introvert or Extrovert?
Many upset with test results that reveals that they are a 'Pervert'.
written by Bureau, 20 March 2014
Missing Plane found on that Island off Lost
Malaysian airliner revealed to have entered a swirling vortex in the Bermuda Triangle and ended up as subject matter for brand new series of TV drama.
written by Talking Tic-Tacs, 20 March 2014
'Chicken from hell' sheds new light on bird-like dinosaur
Kept homo sapiens in small cages fattening them up before releasing them for a meal.
written by Bureau, 20 March 2014
Colorado Economy Up Sharply.
New best Marijuana seller: 'Potted Meat' on crackers!
written by Bureau, 20 March 2014
What's Cindy Crawford's Youthful Secret?
"Eating brains BEFORE you become a zombie!"
written by Bureau, 20 March 2014
Riverside 3rd Grader Accused of Sexually Assaulting Classmate
FDA: Oh no, there are few hormones in the meat the kids are eating.
written by Bureau, 20 March 2014
Kerry angered by Israeli minister's sharp criticism
"You're an old poo poo and your mother still changes you!"
written by Bureau, 20 March 2014
More than 100 people found in house in Texas
"We all arrived in the same truck!", says one male.
written by Bureau, 20 March 2014
True Facts From Snoops #1111
Snoops: The old folk song "Barbara Allen" had over 500 verses and took two days to sing.
written by Bureau, 20 March 2014
True Facts From Snoops #1110
Snoops: Besides Houdini, Groucho Marx promised to come back alive on Halloween and KEPT his promise. Every Halloween you'll see little Groucho Marx with big eyebrows, glasses, big nose & mustache.
written by Bureau, 20 March 2014
True Facts From Snoops #1109
Snoops: Moses Malone, the former NBA basketball star, has converted to Judaism.
written by Bureau, 20 March 2014
True Facts From Snoops #118
Snoops: After 50 years Wonder Woman has never revealed what her Wonder Bra is for, but nerds like to guess. "Bet it's something wonderful!"
written by Bureau, 20 March 2014
True Facts From Snoops #1108
Snoops: Australia's first President was punched to death by Kangaroo mob after he staggered from a pub.
written by Bureau, 20 March 2014
True Facts From Snoops #1107
Snoops: During an average three hour professional baseball game, a player will scratch his crotch over 100 times.
written by Bureau, 20 March 2014
Germany vows crackdown on Putin.
From now on there will be G-7 talks held with Russia out! U.S. plans to stick out tongue and wiggle ears at Putin if he takes over another country.
written by Bureau, 20 March 2014
Summer May Not Arrive For Awhile
"Snowbirds" in Florida during winter may have to stay all year.
written by Bureau, 20 March 2014
COURT: States can require ID to vote...
But not in states where people ask, "I don't have no ID what ya'll talking about?"
written by Bureau, 20 March 2014
Scientists say destructive solar blasts narrowly missed Earth in 2012.
Didn't want a panic but we could all be barbecue by now!
written by Bureau, 20 March 2014
China drones to spy on polluters.
But will have to figure out to video through smog first.
written by Bureau, 20 March 2014
House to vote on museum for women.
Permanent home for squirrels in cities with many warning signs, "Drive Slow, Squirrels in Area". Plan to get back to Putin taking over the worl;k by this Fall.
written by Bureau, 20 March 2014
Male Strippers Tackle Gunman During Vegas Robbery Attack.
Down the would-be robbers. Really show their stuff!
written by Bureau, 20 March 2014
Heavily Armed Police Storm Man's Home Over Life-Sized Gun Tattoo.
"You must have this removed and replaced by our fearless vacationing President."
written by Bureau, 20 March 2014
Ellen tells Obama 'everyone's very grateful' for Obamacare!
Also, that our children and grandchildren will be in debt all their days.
written by Bureau, 20 March 2014
Reporters Held to 4 Minutes With President By Countdown Clock, Standing Up.
Must click heels first and address the President as, May you live forever o' king!"
written by Bureau, 20 March 2014
CNN: Missing 777 Swallowed By 'BLACK HOLE'?
This is really getting far out, says local Shaman.
written by Bureau, 20 March 2014
Sherwood 'Planning for Next Season'
He already has his lawn sorted so it's just the bedding plants he needs to work out.
written by John_L, 20 March 2014
kangaroo piles
Members of an Australian cult worshipping kangaroo droppings, have been arrested for congregating on an outback highway where a small dump was located by believers.Shouldn't they go back to tealeaves?
written by whatinthe world, 20 March 2014
Federal Reserve Chair Janet Yellen Gives Her First Press Conference Today with a Personal Touch
Yellen laid out Fed policy today on further tapering of bond purchases.In her closing remarks she also declared "If Justy Bieber is looking for a hot data babe & an econometric cougar,I'm available."
written by Trinculoman, 20 March 2014
If They Blow It Up, It's on Their Own Heads!
Drones approved to carry disease epidemics but only use it as a last resort.
written by Bureau, 20 March 2014
One in Six Military Recruits Have Mental Disorders!
"We're hoping to make it at least 4 in 6 so they don't care what they do to the enemy", says marine recruiter.
written by Bureau, 20 March 2014
More News Discovered in ObamaCare Encyclopedia
Apparently you can be sent to Kenya for some treatments.
written by Bureau, 20 March 2014
Over One Million Millionaires in America
You to can be the next one by just entering our Cleaning House Sweepstakes!
written by Bureau, 20 March 2014
Japanese Authorities Discover Huge Radiation Dump
Apparently it came from flushed commodes of worker in the failed nuclear plants.
written by Bureau, 20 March 2014
Obama Rules Out Military Action.
Announces Plans for Next Vacation.
written by Bureau, 20 March 2014
2nd radiation release indicated at NM nuclear dump site.
You can't blame this on us, says Japan! Obama: "Me either!"
written by Bureau, 20 March 2014
True Facts From Snoops #1106
According to the newly discovered drawings, ancient Hawaiians worshiped the Holy Mackerel.
written by Bureau, 20 March 2014
