Oregon Man Finds Bigfoot
Or rather, it finds him. "Demands 300 bananas in long brown boxes or he stomps me to death."
written by Bureau, 18 March 2014
Surgeon General Issues Warning
It's too late to get a March Madness shot by this time. Recommends watching games on TV.
written by Bureau, 18 March 2014
Popeye cleared of all steroid claims!
Spinach is still legal in the United States.
written by Bureau, 18 March 2014
Post office faces further cutbacks
Will no longer be delivering babies on Monday-Friday!
written by Bureau, 18 March 2014
Congress Cannot Meet For Two Weeks
We don't have the funding to meet about anything right now!
written by Bureau, 18 March 2014
Koko The Gorilla Ruined
Koko the signing gorilla has been ruined after accidentally being placed near a cage with an old cursing parrot for the night!
written by Bureau, 18 March 2014
Men's Nipples Useless, But Painful to Shave Off
The Mayo Clinic today released its findings from a 5-year study of 800 men of all ages and ethnicities confirming that while men's nipples are essentially useless, it hurts a lot to shave them off.
written by Catchthisdrift, 18 March 2014
True Facts From Snoops #1088
Snoops: Most dust mites in your place of business come from dead skin. Just ask an undertaker about the cold room downstairs.
written by Bureau, 18 March 2014
True Facts From Snoops #1087
Snoops: While an itchy right hand palm means coming into money, an itchy left hand means poison ivy for sure!
written by Bureau, 18 March 2014
True Facts From Snoops #1086
Snoops: The first soups were made from frog legs. This goes back thousands of years when there were more than enough to feed all Egypt and their slaves.
written by Bureau, 18 March 2014
True Facts From Snoops #1085
Snoops: Three a bridesmaid, never a bride holds true except when the couple are of the same sex!
written by Bureau, 18 March 2014
True Facts From Snoops #1084
Snoops: While a cold room can bring nightmares at night, a warm herbal cushion between the legs can bright bring many delights!
written by Bureau, 18 March 2014
True Facts From Snoops #1083
Snoops: The insult "Kiss My Ass" is the worst insult a well digger could hurl at a person.
written by Bureau, 18 March 2014
NHS sa they have copies of records of most Americans
Being sued by BMI and ASCAP for copyright infringements.
written by Bureau, 18 March 2014
Windmills No Help
Kansas say that their installed windmills to be used for power, were hoped to blow away tornadoes also but that they haven't worked yet.
written by Bureau, 18 March 2014
Are Secret Clinton White House Tapes Lost to History?
Don't you remember, loyal aid slipped them out years ago, right after Monica fiasco?
written by Bureau, 18 March 2014
NY considering slot machines at airports.
Coin toss against wall while awaiting flight. Closest silver dollar wins but 25% goes to city.
written by Bureau, 18 March 2014
NY considering slot machines at airports.
Coin toss against wall while awaiting flight. Closest silver dollar wins but 25% goes to city.
written by Bureau, 18 March 2014
Rule change lets insurance companies keep more profits, pay less for care.
Our advice? Use that 10% payout to hire a good bankruptcy lawyer.
written by Bureau, 18 March 2014
Half of Detroit's parking meters don't work.
Police out looking for Cool Hand Luke!
written by Bureau, 18 March 2014
White House pastry chef resigns.
He drove me crazy with that "What do you think we should do? day after day."
written by Bureau, 18 March 2014
Obamacare leaves man owing $407,000 in doctor bills.
Since I'm on $600 social security, we'll have to pay $10 a month or go bankrupt.
written by Bureau, 18 March 2014
NSA program reaches 'into past' to retrieve, replay phone calls.
"Hello Mama? Billy's drunk again...and he's soiled himself."
written by Bureau, 18 March 2014
ROMNEY: Price of Failed Leadership.
This is what Jimmy Carter found out in Iran years ago. They only respect power!
written by Bureau, 18 March 2014
Ukraine PM: Conflict entering 'military stage'..
Ask President of U.S. if he's holding a filibuster with himself!
written by Bureau, 18 March 2014
Biden in Poland to 'reassure' allies...
Claims Russia 'alone, naked'...in charge!
written by Bureau, 18 March 2014
Putin throws down gauntlet to West.
U.S. Congress and White House throw down pointing fingers at each other in return.
written by Bureau, 18 March 2014
NSA recorded 'every single' call in one country.
Over 1,000,000 Americans say that it was a wrong number.
written by Bureau, 18 March 2014
Pope francis Gives The Nod
It is now OK for clowns to make poodles out of blown-up condoms as long as they're not ticklers!
written by Bureau, 18 March 2014
White House Meeting on Economy Cancelled!
Bernanke: There's just not enough money available for the meeting.
written by Bureau, 18 March 2014
White House: We're ready for anything.
New padded room added on to the East Wing!
written by Bureau, 18 March 2014
Putin: East Germany Has Contacted Us
We will help them declare their independence if they like.
written by Bureau, 18 March 2014
Tourism Dollars Dry Up, Alongside Crimea's Bank Funds
Putin tells them not to worry. Plenty of money that you can live on in Siberia. "One free meal everyday."
written by Bureau, 18 March 2014
Suicide Blast Kills at Least Everybody in Afghanistan
"Guess he wanted to take it all with him", says leader of neighboring country.
written by Bureau, 18 March 2014
Something Went 'Very Wrong' at G.M., Chief Says
For one thing, we should have tested for sinkholes at Corvette Museum!
written by Bureau, 18 March 2014
Biden Arrives in Europe to Reassure Ally
Romania: We're with you , Joe. No matter what! Catapults already aimed.
written by Bureau, 18 March 2014
True Facts From Snoops #1082
Snoops: The "butterflies" you feel in your stomach at times is a sure sign that one of those apples you wolfed down had a caterpillar in it.
written by Bureau, 18 March 2014
True Facts From Snoops #1081
Snoops: A coconut is better to get you awake in the morning for work than a cup of coffee. Just hit him in the head with one!
written by Bureau, 18 March 2014
True Facts From Snoops #1080
Snoops: In early Massachusetts, one test for a witch was to have a youth stick his tongue to her tit and see if it sticks!
written by Bureau, 18 March 2014
True Facts From Snoops #1079
Snoops: For most men, the urge to suddenly fall in love is like having sex day and night or any time she agrees. It's in their jeans.
written by Bureau, 18 March 2014
Ireland Joins Scotland VS England
Division everywhere. Hope no one lights a firecracker!
written by Bureau, 18 March 2014
The South is Ready
Rand Paul: If Obama let's Putin get away with everything, we are rearming in the South and headed for Bull Run.
written by Bureau, 18 March 2014
Insurgent Violence Escalates in Iraq
Al-Qaeda forces join Shiites, Taliban join Sunnis or is it the other way around?
written by Bureau, 18 March 2014
Philly Marks Second Snowiest Winter Ever.
Al Gore: The colder it gets, the closer the Global Warming!
written by Bureau, 18 March 2014
Battle in Canada rekindled with Quebec election
Scottish independence looms...Hatfields say McCoys have stolen their prize-winning hog!
written by Bureau, 18 March 2014
Venice votes on cutting ties with Italy.
Italy to Venice: How about a tsunami from a big surfer?
written by Bureau, 18 March 2014
Putin Accuses U.S. of Rule By Gun!
Washington accuses Russia of Rule by Ricin!
written by Bureau, 18 March 2014
Washington: Fair is Fair
White House: If Putin takes Ukraine, we will feel free to take Cuba!
written by Bureau, 18 March 2014
Biden in Poland to 'reassure' allies.
Poland: Why are we the first big moves in a major war? May just start one ourselves.
written by Bureau, 18 March 2014
Russia Laughs at Obama Sanctions
President laughs at Putin's last name. (We knew the name-calling would come next).
written by Bureau, 18 March 2014
Jethro Bodine Atomic Brain Surgeon And Double Nut Spy?
JETHRO HAD HIS UNCLE JED IN THE BEVERLY HILLBILLIES AS ALL I HAVE IS MY UNCLE SAM AND I'M NOT HIS ONLY NEPHEW, BUT I'M THE ONLY ONE WHO SOMETIMES CALL HIM PA?
written by mancalledhorsemanure, 18 March 2014
The Corn Is Still Green
The Corn is Green is an old Bette Davis,movie. Where she helps this Welsh miner get into Oxford University. Where her maid's daughter gets him drunk?Think of my corn as still green"AMO,AMOT,AMOS?"
written by mancalledhorsemanure, 18 March 2014
True Facts From Snoops #1078
Snoops: Just like our fingertips, our ass tips are all different. Or at least the females are, according to the investigating officers.
written by Bureau, 18 March 2014
True Facts From Snoops #1077
Snoops: Songbirds sing louder in the city than they do in the country, to overcome the noise. Should a boom box go by, they can temporarily lose their voices.
written by Bureau, 18 March 2014
True Facts From Snoops #1076
Pelicans have a pouch under their bills that can hold more than their stomachs. Eventually, according to science, humans will have a pouch also.
written by Bureau, 18 March 2014
True Facts From Snoops #1075
Snoops: The hummingbird is lighter than a penny. A big drop of rain could drown it if not for their tiny umbrellas.
written by Bureau, 18 March 2014
True Facts From Snoops #1074
Snoops: The surface of Venus is 854 degrees. Is that where we get the expressions? That Goddess of Love, "She's A red Hot Mama!"?
written by Bureau, 18 March 2014
Deadly weather strikes Belgian music festival
Should have known better than to invite Yanni! He's bad luck!
written by Bureau, 18 March 2014
Putin sanctions U.S. Senators!
In answer to U.S. ban on Russian officials. Piss on the wall about even.
written by Bureau, 18 March 2014
Sarah Palin Amazes World-Is Actually Right About Something!
The whole world was incredulous when it was revealed that Sarah Palin had actually predicted, in 2008, that Russia would invade the Ukraine! Putin has said that she was the one who gave him the idea.
written by Al N., 18 March 2014
