U.N. "Sky Is Falling" Ruining Economy
They are taking billions we need for jobs and trying to change something that's make-believe. Before, it was 'Global Cooling', Remember?
written by Bureau, 17 March 2014
UN REPORT: 'Climate Change' Will Cause Violent Conflict, Wipe Trillions From Global Economy.
Professor calls for prison for climate deniers. Deniers recommend loony bin for Global Warmers! "Since when has the U.N. been right about anything?
written by Bureau, 17 March 2014
Bucket of Green Cake Colored water over his head!
"This is a great start. I catch those two kids of mine I'll paint their penises green. The Green Weenie: Happy St. Patrick's Day!"
written by Bureau, 17 March 2014
Detection of Waves in Space Buttresses Landmark Theory of Big Bang
We need to check up with the silver Surver about these waves.
written by Bureau, 17 March 2014
Heavy snow closes federal government in Washington
Heavy breathing over phone will probably close federal government the way things are going.
written by Bureau, 17 March 2014
Hawking: 'In 50 years we'll be living on moon'
Other scientists: We'll be lucky if we're living anywhere at all.
written by Bureau, 17 March 2014
Aircraft mystery
The mystery of how to say 'I haven't a clue where it is' every day without repeating yourself.
written by j.w., 17 March 2014
Osborne Looks After Little Balls
Just like having a fag at Eton again.
written by j.w., 17 March 2014
True Facts From Snoops #1073
Snoops: Babies will look at a pretty face 3-4 times longer than an ugly one. Men never outgrow this.
written by Bureau, 17 March 2014
True Facts From Snoops #1072
Snoops: Fats from junk food will make you want more food so just stop and light up a joint instead.
written by Bureau, 17 March 2014
True Facts From Snoops #1071
Snoops: If you leave a goldfish in a dark room it will turn pale, the it will learn to float belly up!
written by Bureau, 17 March 2014
True Facts From Snoops #1070
Snoops: People look prettier than they really are when you are drunk. So keep the liquor handy till you hear the wedding bells ring.
written by Bureau, 17 March 2014
True Facts From Snoops #1069
Snoops: In almost every country of the world women's age average 5 years longer than mens. Yet 90% of prisoners serving time for killing spouses are men.
written by Bureau, 17 March 2014
True Facts From Snoops #1068
Snoops: Four common date blunders: Unzipped pants. Wearing a hot dog over one ear. A banana in your front pocket. Talking too much about radishes!
written by Bureau, 17 March 2014
New Casino Ads Urging "Investments"
You can pay high health insurance premiums or put that back and play the casinos. Even if you lose, government will pay bill as you declare bankruptcy!
written by Bureau, 17 March 2014
OPT OUT! Many Americans intend to stay without health insurance.
We decided that if we get a giant bill, we'll blow everything we got at the casino or win, "Play or Pay!"
written by Bureau, 17 March 2014
Polluted Paris forces half of its cars off the road.
"Might have just as well banned the whole car!", says one disgruntled citizen!
written by Bureau, 17 March 2014
State TV says Russia could turn USA to 'radioactive ash'.
Former President George W. Bush: "Bring It On!"
written by Bureau, 17 March 2014
Astronomers discover echoes of 'Big Bang'.
Average Joe discovers Astronomers nutty as fruitcakes.
written by Bureau, 17 March 2014
Third Biggest March Snowstorm Slams DC.
Nation's Capitol still under old gypsy curse after finding she was an illegal?
written by Bureau, 17 March 2014
SNAP: Motorist captures snow plow speeding wrong-way on Virginia road.
Driver: I couldn't even tell if I was on the road!
written by Bureau, 17 March 2014
True Facts From Snoops #1067
Snoops: For fish and other creatures to adept to living on land, they had to develope air-breathing lungs. Many species died from lying on the ocean floor trying their best to do that.
written by Bureau, 17 March 2014
True Facts From Snoops #1066
Snoops: The earliest known human culture in North America is that of the Clovis people thought to have lived somewhere between 100,000 and 1500 years ago.
written by Bureau, 17 March 2014
True Facts From Snoops #1065
Snoops: Zebras are bright green and orange at birth!
written by Bureau, 17 March 2014
True Facts From Snoops #1064
Snoops: The banana tree is not actually a tree but a one of a kind herb, and the banana is it's prophet.
written by Bureau, 17 March 2014
True Facts From Snoops #1064
Snoops: For over a century 1700-1800s, a sign that a woman might be a witch was if she was red-headed. Back then, cosmetologists lived like kings!
written by Bureau, 17 March 2014
True Facts From Snoops #1063
Snoops: Antarctica is the only continent without a reptile or snake unless visited by Vladimir Putin.
written by Bureau, 17 March 2014
Nineteeth Nervous Breakdown
Mick Jaggers squeeze L'Wren Scott found dead-possible suicide!
written by Herrdoktorfox, 17 March 2014
Study: Cats Never Feel They Are Part of the Family
They usually think that they are above all that sort of thing.
written by Bureau, 17 March 2014
Obama Not Embarrassed
President Obama never told that his French was slipping, telling his visitors in French, that he had recently blowed a perfect 300!
written by Bureau, 17 March 2014
New Recycled Paper
The new "Finger-Friendly Recycled Toilet Tissue" on sale now at Sam's for 99 cents per triple roll!
written by Bureau, 17 March 2014
U.N. Rough on Russia, Putin!
After Russia's Putin warning the west of a nuclear attack, Russia has been kicked out of the International House of Pancakes and sent still another car parking ticket in NYC.
written by Bureau, 17 March 2014
Kirstie Alley Says A Drone Spied On Her
She said that she read an article on the Internet stating that she wears size 26 panties and added that no one, but no one knew that fact.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 17 March 2014
Taylor Swift Talks About Her Ankle Freckle
T-Swizzle recently revealed to Larry King on The Viagra View that she has a tiny freckle on her left ankle that amazingly resembles Kanye "The Pest" West.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 17 March 2014
Kim Jong Un Misses Jay Leno
The leader of North Korea has commented that now that Jay Leno is no longer the host of The Tonight Show he has stopped watching it. He added that new host Jimmy Fallon is just way too fidgety.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 17 March 2014
David Letterman Reveals Who He Would Marry If He Wasn't Already Married
The gap-toothed talk show host says he would marry Kat Von D because he is tremendously attracted to women with weird-looking tattoos.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 17 March 2014
Bill Maher Claims That President Obama Is Not Black
Maher said that Obama's mother was a white blonde woman and his father was Don Knotts.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 17 March 2014
Obama Thinking About Third Term
Hillary: I know that's illegal but that hasn't stopped him yet.
written by Bureau, 17 March 2014
4.4-quake hits L.A. area
Earthquake felt as far away as Chris Christie, who stated that his body quivered.
written by Bureau, 17 March 2014
Study to test 'chocolate' pills for heart health
Outperforms waded pieces of white bread Mom's once gave kids for so-called aspirin for fake headaches.
written by Bureau, 17 March 2014
True Facts From Snoops #1062
Snoops: Newborn Kangaroos are about as long as a paper clip. And about as smart.
written by Bureau, 17 March 2014
True Facts From Snoops #1060
Male and female Gibbon couples often sing together. Their lawsuit over "Hey, Hey We're The Monkeys" is still pending.
written by Bureau, 17 March 2014
True Facts From Snoops #1060
Snoops: Just like humans, monkeys go bald as they age. Many use squirrel tails to cover them.
written by Bureau, 17 March 2014
False History?
When John Hancock signed the Declaration of Independence in huge letters, he stated "I guess King George will be able to see that." Ben Franklin pointed out that he had just signed the table.
written by Bureau, 17 March 2014
Iraqi Legislator Slain, Underscoring Danger
And it's always been such a safe and beautiful country.
written by Bureau, 17 March 2014
The College Board says it's revamping the SAT to focus more on what students will need in college.
"How much does your old man make? Is mother employed? How about Uncle Joe who dresses so expensively?"
written by Bureau, 17 March 2014
Missing Plane Search Widens!
Searchers are now in the Mississippi River and where that other plane safely on the Hudson River.
written by Bureau, 17 March 2014
European Stock Markets Open Sharply!
We'll see if that 'Higher' or 'Lower' as soon as the rest comes in.
written by Bureau, 17 March 2014
Shaken Europe Looks for Bolder Fixes
They may need to place wedges below the big rocks. Oh, you said 'Bolder'. I thought you said Boulder. Never mind.
written by Bureau, 17 March 2014
Car device reads emotions to prevent road rage.
But turns itself off if mother-in-law in the car anywhere.
written by Bureau, 17 March 2014
REPORT: Fed Gov't computers easy mark for hackers.
"That's why we load them down with lies about everything from UFO's to Lady Gaga."
written by Bureau, 17 March 2014
Gunman dressed like 'Rambo' storms restaurant, stabs patron.
Then switches to 'Rocky' and knocks out 14 others!
written by Bureau, 17 March 2014
First Lady cited 'bogus' study to claim drastic drop in childhood obesity rate.
With all the bad studies they have been using, bin Laden may still be alive!
written by Bureau, 17 March 2014
Unskilled, destitute hired for Fukushima cleanup.
Add 'dying of radiation poisoning' to destitute and unskilled!
written by Bureau, 17 March 2014
ANOTHER Late-Winter Storm Dumps Snow, Ice on DC.
Also, Putin of Russia is threatening to dump nuclear weapons!
written by Bureau, 17 March 2014
GEORGE MICHAEL: I've Given Up Pot!
"I now crap with my back side toward the urinal!"
written by Bureau, 17 March 2014
True Facts From Snoops #1059
Snoops: Liberace was buried in a solid gold Piano Case!
written by Bureau, 17 March 2014
True Facts From Snoops #1058
Snoops: The first WINTER Olympics ended the fad of the athletes of the participants going naked.
written by Bureau, 17 March 2014
Irish to rename St. Patrick's Day.
From now the 17th March will be a celebration known as St. BO'D's day in honor of Brian O'Driscoll.
written by John_L, 17 March 2014
True Facts From Snoops #1057
Snoops: In Sicily, it is a major crime to throttle a second victim from the back seat of a car.
written by Bureau, 17 March 2014
True Facts From Snoops #1056
Snoops: In an emergency, a doctor is entitled to use a shoehorn for a tongue depressor!
written by Bureau, 17 March 2014
True Facts From Snoops #1055
Snoops: The main reason that no one actually took Henny Youngman's wife was because she was a transvestite!
written by Bureau, 17 March 2014
True Facts From Snoops #1054
Snoops: On the old daily quiz shows, Jonathon Winters also sometimes played the roles of himself, Charley Weaver and Dorothy Kilgallen.
written by Bureau, 17 March 2014
War on Obamacare cancer victims who speak out.
But their voices are growing louder every day!
written by Bureau, 17 March 2014
Threatens switch to other currencies over sanctions
Hope it's one we can copy well and release to the world.
written by Bureau, 17 March 2014
Putin's Popularity Soars.
Now approaching that of Joseph Stalin, Adolf Hitler.
written by Bureau, 17 March 2014
State TV says Russia could turn USA to 'radioactive ash'.#3
So Mr. President, do you have the backbone of John Kennedy or Ronald Reagan?
written by Bureau, 17 March 2014
State TV says Russia could turn USA to 'radioactive ash'.#2
"The wars are long, the peace is frail, the mad men come again!" (Peter, Paul & Mary).
written by Bureau, 17 March 2014
State TV says Russia could turn USA to 'radioactive ash'.
And so can we, so shut up or do it! The cockroaches are waiting to take over.
written by Bureau, 17 March 2014
Obama's little joke
Missing Malaysian Airlines flight MH370 has just landed on the front lawn of the White House in Washington DC. President Obama greeted the passengers saying "now we can let all the world in on joke."
written by whatinthe world, 17 March 2014
Vice-President Joe Biden's Twerk Choice
When Vice-President Biden was asked who he would like to be twerked by, he smiled and said...Kim Kardashian. His wife overheard him and added, that it would be his first and LAST twerk.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 17 March 2014
Female Lions Do 90 Percent of The Hunting
Male lions just basically sit and roar loudly conveying to the female lion, "Hey hon, what's for dinner?"
written by Abel Rodriguez, 17 March 2014
Egyptians Trained Baboons To Wait On Tables
The practice was stopped when the baboons started demanding tips.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 17 March 2014
Belguim Cracks Down On Illegal Aliens
They plan to fly them all back to Mexico, Central America, and South America.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 17 March 2014
The Male Rhinoceros Is Actually A Very Docile Animal
Unless someone refers to it as fat and then it becomes one mean son-of-a-bitch.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 17 March 2014
An Interesting Fact About The Neck of A Giraffe
If all of the veins in a giraffe's neck were placed end to end they would reach from Tarzana, California all the way to Hackensack, New Jersey.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 17 March 2014
Cattle Branding Was First Practiced 4,000 Years Ago
The first cattle stampede however did not occur until May 29, 1847.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 17 March 2014
Referendum May See Venice Elect To Secede From Italy
The Italian government says if Venice secedes the canals will all be totally drained of water.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 17 March 2014
On This Day..
In 1945, during World War II, American forces declared they had secured Iwo Jima, although pockets of Japanese resistance remained. To this day the makers of those pockets have never been discovered.
written by Bureau, 17 March 2014
On This Day
In 1751, James Madison, fourth president of the United States, was born in Prussia!
written by Bureau, 17 March 2014
